Volare: Do you realise what I was doing at the age of seven?
Roland T. Flakfizer: I can imagine and you must be thankful you didn't go blind.
Volare: I was dancing professionally.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Whatever you call it. Flogging the carrot, polishing the cuestick, choking the chicken, clearing the snorkel.
Flakfizer: Let's step outside and settle this like men.
Lazlo: We are outside.
Flakfizer: OK, let's step inside and settle it like women.
Usherette: Five and six.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Eleven. Now it's your turn: twenty-five and sixty-seven.
Rocco: Charity work. I gather these for those less fortunate than myself who can't afford pornography.
Roland T. Flakfizer: And she looks like she's about fifteen.
Lazlo: No, no, no.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Okay, fourteen then. In fact I know she's fourteen, because I was dating her a year ago.
Roland T. Flakfizer: If there's anything I can ever do for you... forget it, because I don't do those kinds of things.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Miss, these seats are dreadful. They're facing the stage.
Roland T. Flakfizer: I'm all out of American currency. Here, take a fistful of Romanian fifties.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Please, call me what everyone else calls me: "Your Royal Sex Machine."
Roland T. Flakfizer: Behind every great man there is a woman, and thank heaven I have Lillian Oglethorpe because, quite frankly, I enjoy the shade.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Dear Lillian, soon I hope to take you on a Carribbean cruise, where we can hold hands on a soft summer's evening and watch that old Jamaican moon. Why that old Jamaican will be mooning us, I have no idea.
Volare: I told you before... Don't hang my tights by the crotch! it throws off my bulge.
Rocco Melonchek: We'll have to perform a full rectum-ology.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Fondue, an epidemic! drop those pants... Not you, the patient.
Doctor: I thought you were cardiologists.
Rocco Melonchek: Uh, well, they're all connected, we enter the rectum and head north.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Why do you think we have such long instruments?
Roland T. Flakfizer: So, do you enjoy being a cab driver?
Rocco Melonchek: Nah. As soon as I get my driver's license, I'm quitting.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Sorry, two's company, and three's an adult movie.
Roland T. Flakfizer: And that spells cash with a capital.
Jacques: K.
Roland T. Flakfizer: You should go back to school.
Jacques: I hated teaching.
Tina: Was that the doorbell?
Roland T. Flakfizer: That wasn't you?
Roland T. Flakfizer: I didn't know the meaning of the word "no," but he had it down pretty good.
Rocco Melonchek: You're lying.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Of course I am, but hear me out.
