Otto: Don't call me stupid.
Wanda: Oh, right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dress with higher IQ's. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto, they just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple things, okay? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto, I looked them up.
Brenda: Joey, I'm not into dead guys.
Officer Curtis Mooney: Police station, Mooney here...What? Oh, they took your wife away in a balloon? Well you don't need the police pal, you need a psychiatrist!
Sadie Ratliff: You're in America now. Speak American.
Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: And in the end, I realised that I took more than I gave, I was trusted more than I trusted, and I was loved more than I loved. And what I was looking for was not to be found but to be made.
Mac: Are we limp and hard to manage?
Vincent: Women love men who are mysterious and devious, keeps them on their toes, it excites them. You know what I mean?
Julius: No.
Vincent: You do like women?
Julius: Oh, very much so. They're strange and sensitive. They have compassion. I have the highest respect for women.
Vincent: You're a virgin!
Julius: That's private.
Vincent: A 230-pound virgin.
Elizabeth Farmer: I'm convinced that our marriage has been one of mutual betrayals. I know it! you know it! Even Yellow Dog knows it.
Andy Farmer: I know it and you know it. Yellow Dog doesn't even know what town he's in.
Kid: That's an iguana. It's real big lizard. You can eat it, but it tastes like shit. Right, Mick?
Katherine Parker: Ugh! What a slob.
Tess McGill: You were so smooth with him.
Katherine Parker: Never burn bridges. Today's junior prick, tomorrow's senior partner.
Doug: Coughlin's law: never tell tales about a woman, she'll hear you no matter how far away she is.
Ruby: Most people our age are a pain in the ass.
Bernie: Most people our age are dead.
King of the Moon: I think, therefore you is.
Ernest: I have lived my life in the fast lane.
Wheel: The Constitution wasn't written on an etch-a-sketch, but every once in a while you gotta twist the knobs a little.
Sgt. Moses Hightower: Sir, I realize this is your jurisdiction. But if there is a rescue attempt, we would like to volunteer.
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Commissioner Murdock, I couldn't agree more. I think it is vital that the rescues know Commandant Lassard intimately. Now, I can vouch for the abilities of these officers. After all, I trained them myself.
Sgt. Larvell Jones: Must be the drugs.
Angela de Marco: God, you people work just like the mob! There's no difference.
Regional Director Franklin: Oh, there's a big difference, Mrs. De Marco. The mob is run by murdering, thieving, lying, cheating psychopaths. We work for the President of the United States of America.
Janis Zuckerman: I'm looking for a guy named Louie, fuzzy hair, crooked teeth, bug eyes. Has he been around lately?
Girl Punk: Suck shit through a tube.
Art Ridzik: Oh, great. We got a pro basketball team coming toward us - with guns.
