Best comedy movie quotes of 1988

Roadrash: Must have been a rowdy crowd tonight.

Daryle: Think of all the clothes I could have bought in Europe.
Billy: Ahh forget it. None of us speak European anyway.

Tara: They are gardeners and carpenters, they are not tomato men.

Peter Loew: I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire.

Pop: That judge in the orange skirt... Make yer pee pee harder than a ten pound bag a' nickel jawbreakers, you know what I mean?

Marshall: [as Charlie] She gets back this weekend. If we don't resolve this, I'll have to go back and live with her again. This is the woman I couldn't live with as a husband. Now, I'm going to be her son. It's a Freudian nightmare.

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Wanda Saknussemm: Bitchin' left hook, Crassus.

Ty Webb: You know I'm always shooting myself with one of those poison-dipped, crossbow darts. I don't know why they don't put a warning on those things.

Colonel: This is our coordinator, Maj. Murphy Black. Multi-decorated field officer, better known as "Killzone."
Mascher: Why do they have nicknames?
Colonel: You should know what the group is called. "BAM."
Mascher: BAM?
Colonel: Big Ass Motherfuckers.

Sylvia Pickel: You're very brave.
Nick Deezy: Everybody looks brave holding a machinegun.

Johnny 5: He locked you up? He did not smash, crush, dent, mangle you?
Fred: No, he just wanted us out of the way.
Johnny 5: Sure, kidnap the humans, destroy the machines.

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Albert Emperato: You don't want carpet! You want an area rug.

Stan: You don't take care of bills by stuffing them in a shoebox... We'll do less entertaining! And there is no reason on God's green earth that we have to have chocolate milk in the fridge at all times! Or French goddamn roast goddamn coffee, with goddamn cinnamon.

Stacy: This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I remember when it was actually fun to say, "WOW, that really felt great! What's your name again?"
Melissa: I've never had sex with someone I didn't know. For that matter, I've never said, "Wow, that felt really great."

Lord Mayor Gerald Fitzwalter Johnson: Well, Mr. Holmes. Any theories?
Holmes: Obviously, the victim had been caught in a storm too far from shore to swim for it.
Lord Mayor Gerald Fitzwalter Johnson: Yes, and with that heavy suitcase attached to his wrist, and the lake being so deep.
Holmes: Quite. Pulled the poor wretch to the bottom, struggling futilely, flailing desperately as the cold, black water sealed his fate forever Well, it's certainly been a laugh. Thank you.

Grandpa: Look! Purple may be a little strange.
Mrs. Orfus: Yes!
Grandpa: But that's because he is a brilliant musician!
Mrs. Orfus: No! No! Purple is an alien!

Tom Mix: I fell in love with a beautiful woman who believed a man was not a complete lover unless he knew how to tango.
Cheryl King, Owner of Candy Store: She didn't give you much choice.
Tom Mix: I took lessons for years.
Wyatt Earp: And what was this young lady's vocation?
Tom Mix: She was a tango instructor.

Mr. Lincoln: They'll make a movie about anything nowadays.

Garfield: Life No. 5 was short.
Cameraman: Hey, cat, you're wanted on the set.
Garfield: I'll be right back.

Peter Plunkett: All I wanted to be was happily useless, you made me miserably useless.