Jack the Ripper: And at dinner last... century, I thought you'd lost your wits.
Jack Godell: I know the vibration was not normal.
Captain Mike Turner: In times of real trouble, the one thing man can depend on is the sympathy of the bank.
Count Dracula: The absence of love is the most abject pain.
Rudy: I'm going away.
Tripper: You goin' to Vegas? If you're going to Vegas, I would be up for it because I love that town. I'm a party guy. I love that town.
Rudy: I don't think they want me around.
Tripper: You talkin' about the soccer heads back there? Well, that's life in the fast-paced slam-bang, live-on-the-razor's-edge, laugh-in-the-face-of-death world of junior league soccer.
Wally Stanton: I see that you're keeping up with the Agatha Christie affair. Tell me, do you think that she is dead? Everyone seems to.
Agatha Christie: They do, don't they?
Wally Stanton: That is all except her husband. I read this morning that he offered five hundred pounds for information. What do you think?
Agatha Christie: Perhaps that is all she is worth.
Jack Flowers: He thinks we're a couple of boys in heat.
David Halloran: You've got to go to him, and I've got to turn and walk away.
Dr. Simon Mills: Your father developed and perfected the ultimate steroid. He synthesized it from his own adrenal gland and then, through long research, developed a super hormone. He called it 'Flag'. That's right, F.L.A.G. Full Latent Ability Gain.
Ben Mears: You'll have to get some hawthorn.
Susan Norton: Okay.
Ben Mears: And put it all over the house.
Rose: What are we ladies? What are we? We are waitresses at the banquet of life! Get into that kitchen and rattle them pots and pans - and you better look pretty good doin' it too, 'else you gonna lose you good thing. And why do we do that, I'll tell you why we do that? We do that to find love - Oh I love to be in love - don't you love to be in love?
Albert: I don't know about this, Sam. Those fires look awfuly close and they're getting closer.
Sam: Just think of your pension.
Albert: I am thinking about it. I'm thinking about how I'm gonna live to collect it.
Terry 'The Toad' Fields: Oh, come on, look at me, I'm a free man! The war is over, and I win.
Cactus Jack: I come to speak with straight tongue.
Nervous Elk: Tongue may be straight, but mouth hide many sharp teeth.
Peter West: What is all this about the dead coming back to life again and... having to be killed a second time? I mean, what the hell's going on here?
Capt. Joe Patroni: Gee, I remember this Eurasian gal. She had these great big blue eyes. They called her the tarantula. You ever run into her?
Capt. Paul Metrand: No, I don't think so.
Capt. Joe Patroni: You'd remember if you did. She was a real ball breaker.
Billy Kramer: We need cereal.
Ted Kramer: Okay, what color?
Tatiana Donskaya: One day you will come to Moscow and you will see a clean subway.