Jack Flowers: He thinks we're a couple of boys in heat.
Jack Flowers: A whorehouse is always a good investment.
William Leigh: I'm terribly sorry.
Jack Flowers: Will you quit apologizing. A fucking English national pastime.
William Leigh: It's all we got left.
Eddie Schuman: Beautiful. Where's she from?
Jack Flowers: Ceylon.
Eddie Schuman: Ceylon. Yeah. They call it Sri Lanka now.
Jack Flowers: Yeah, I know.
Eddie Schuman: They screwed up all the names. Zanzibar. The Congo. Siam. Persia. All gone.
Monika: Oh! God dammit, sari! Hate sari.
Jack Flowers: Why the hell do you wear them?
Monika: Men like. Stupid.
Jack Flowers: Now, the Chinese, they go for Australian girls, y'know, big-boned. The Germans usually go for Tamils. The English they don't give a damn as long as they're young and boyish, isn't that right, Colonel?
Col. Gunstone: Indubitably.
Jack Flowers: But the Americans, they do a lot of hugging-up in taxis, y'know. When they go home they write letters. Girls are always after me to help them answer 'em.
Jack Flowers: You're going to love it. You're going to love it. You got to get yourself a Thai massage. You know what that is?
Wichita Falls: What the hell is that?
Jack Flowers: That's where two women soap themselves up, one works the front, the other works the back. You're a sandwich.
Monika: You Italian?
Jack Flowers: Yeah, that's right.
Monika: Italian: Good lover. Bad husband.
Jack Flowers: Yeah?
Monika: Yeah.
Jack Flowers: That's what my mother always said.
Jack Flowers: Who's that black girl, Judy, that just left.
Judy: She's so beautiful.
Jack Flowers: That she is.
Judy: The first time I saw her I just put my hands on her face.
Jack Flowers: Are you that interested?
William Leigh: Oh, no, no, no. But, in point of actual face, I was wondering if.
Jack Flowers: Now, don't be shy.
William Leigh: Yeah, well, I wouldn't want to.
Jack Flowers: Come on, shoot. I mean, the choice isn't very big. Most people don't realise that. It boils down to five. There's boys, girls, dirty pictures, exhibition, massage, a combination there of. Now, what did you have in mind?
William Leigh: What I - I'd like to get a - game of squash.
William Leigh: You're not a squash player yourself, by any chance, are you?
Jack Flowers: No, Bill. I drink. Do you drink?
William Leigh: Well, I - William.
Jack Flowers: William.
William Leigh: Well, I take the odd drop.
William Leigh: Do you think you'll ever get back to the UK yourself?
Frogget: Well, I used to. The last time I went back they passed a bill making homosexuality legal. I said to my wife, let's get out of here before they make it compulsory.
Eddie Schuman: Ever since Kennedy and Castro, you can't get a good cigar in America.
Jack Flowers: Me, I just want a yacht, a big mansion, a peacock or something to guard me, you know, walk around all day with a bowler hat, silk pajamas, play golf, smoke real Havanas. Who knows.
William Leigh: Why do you stay on there?
Jack Flowers: He's my visa! I can't exactly go to the Immigration and say, "Occupation: Running a Wang House."
