Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Pope, I really don't mind you being an asshole, you really can't help that, but I do mind you lying to me like I was a fool. Now you came here with one thought in mind, and that was to attach yourself to me so the target would know who I am and what I am. Now, who's gonna perform this sanction if he gets me? You?
Pope: You don't think I can handle it?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: In a locked closet with a grenade.
Russian: You know, I had a boy like you once. He was as ugly as dirt... took after his ma. I ended up having to slit his throat.
Harold: Is it true that with your new mechanical arm you can shift gears in less than a twentieth of a second? Would you care to comment on that?
Frankenstein: No.
Harold: How do you feel about going into the race with a navigator you've never met?
Grace Pander: You'll love Annie. She's a red-hot sexpot.
Frankenstein: She'd better be a red-hot navigator.
Sheriff Jeff Jones: I used to take physics, but I find prunes do a better job for me.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Tomorrow, we are poking holes all over caravan site.
Prof. Roland Crump: I don't think they would like that at all.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka: It's ok, we are poking early.
Cmdr. Charles Swann: This isn't Chicago.
Brannigan: You're right, you can't get a decent burger anywhere in this town.
Star: You look like a guy I was in the navy with. He wouldn't bathe, so we had to pee in his bed to get him discharged.
Store Clerk: Well, sir, a covered wagon pulling outta St. Joe didn't take near as much supplies as you got yourself here, Mr. O'Day.
Jason O'Day: You're sure one well-informed man, aren't ya? Now, did you think you can hand me that carton without straining yourself, or are you just tuckered out from sticking your nose in my affairs?
Frank O'Brien: What the hell are they shooting?
Deputy U.S. Marshal Nathan Pearce: When you tell an Indian things will be a certain way and then they're not, he's inclined to think maybe you crossed him.
Jenny Hill: I'm not proud of what I did.
Sigerson Holmes: You've just told me a magnificent success story! Overlooking the fact that you're a liar, a thief, a traitor, and a whore, I don't see what should be bothering you.
Claude Estee: Sometimes I wonder what we're doing here... grown men making mud pies to sell to the great unwashed.
Sheriff McCoy: That's two bits.
Barbershop Customer: But I've only got half a shave!
Sheriff McCoy: A whole shave's four bits. Now git before I fine you for loitering.
Jim Henry: I want to have a long talk with anybody bettin' against me.
Narrator: Barry - had now arrived at the pitch of prosperity and by his own energy had raised himself to a higher sphere of society. Having procured his majesty's gracious permission, to add the name of his lovely Lady, to his own. Henceforth, Redmond Barry assumed the style and title of: Barry Lyndon.
Felicia: Oh god, Lester you are a miserable human being. You're not helping anybody! You're just twisting arms here for a lot of silly sons of bitches who are all out for themselves. You're kidding yourself if you think your new business partner is going to keep his hands off your girl. Or if she's going to keep her hands off him.
Frank Nitti: He was stupid. He was an animal. All he knew were guns, Tony. That's what put him on top and that's how he figured to stay on top. He was so busy pumping bullets in the guy across the street that he forgot something.The same thing Johnny Torrio forgot. That the guy you really gotta watch out for isn't across the street at all. He's the bum standing on the same ladder you are. Right behind you.
