Higgins: Magnum, l must say, l'm impressed.
Magnum: With my dictionary?
Higgins: No, with your living quarters. They're actually tidy.
Magnum: Don't act so surprised!
Higgins: Where is all the...usual unpleasantness, the abandoned bits of food and drink, the soiled garments, the sundry unidentifiable artifacts l expect to find when l walk in?
Magnum: A-HA! That is precisely my point. You *expect* to walk in. Higgins...l don't walk in on you, do l?
Higgins: Of course you do. All the time, as a matter of fact. But I look upon it as one of life's little unpleasantries, like a minor rash or an ingrown toenail. (00:04:25)
Higgins: How fiendishly deceptive of you, Magnum. I could have sworn I was hearing the emasculation of a large rodent. To my great surprise, I see the sounds are emanating from what I thought was a harmless musical instrument.
Magnum: Cute Higgins, real cute.
Higgins: Why Magnum? Why do this terrible thing?
Magnum: Higgins, I'll have you know I used to be very good. I was the second best sax player in my High School band!
Higgins: Well, how many sax players were there?!
Magnum: ...Anyway. I just saw this in a pawn shop window and thought I'd like to try and get my chops back.
Higgins: May I suggest that your "chops" are irretrievable.
Magnum: Higgins, did you come here just to abuse me!? (00:05:25)
Mac: Time has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts.
Thank Heaven for Little Girls and Big Ones Too - S1-E4
Magnum: I think I'm gonna have to run down this address.
Rick: This isn't exactly the high-rent district. If you go down there, I suggest you bring a gun or an alligator on a leash.
Magnum: Rick, I am looking for a schoolteacher, not a gorilla. (00:12:25)
Savannah: I really wish you'd reconsider. I can show you excitement like you have never known in your life.
Magnum: Savannah...
Savannah: You can watch me until you are completely confident...and then we'll do it together.
Magnum: We are not going to do it, at all.
Savannah: I like to do it face to face. It is so wonderful to watch your partner's expression with the heart pounding, the ears ringing, falling together through space until that moment when you body is jerked upward and shudders...
Magnum: Savannah...
Savannah: And your chute catches, and you float gently to the ground. (00:14:30)
Magnum: Do you think you can just admit you sent those goons after me and then just walk away? I don't believe you people. You're just incredible.
Wyndom Jackson: I didn't mean to have anything happen to you. I was just trying to scare you. I'm sorry they got carried away. Now, if that's not good enough for you, we can fight. You're younger than I am, stronger maybe, so you'd probably win. But I'm richer than you are, so in the end I'll beat ya. Now, why don't you just accept my apology? (00:38:00)
Magnum: I know what you're thinking. I was thinking it too. In fact, when I write my private investigator manual, there'll be a chapter on "The Oldest Tricks in the World." Now, this had to be one of them. An anonymous tip? A mysterious meeting? The only trouble with the oldest tricks is, they usually work. (00:17:00)
Higgins: One moment, Magnum. I'm going to need you for the party.
Magnum: You're not going through with this?
Higgins: Magnum, Mr. Masters' Spring Equinox Weekend Party is one of the premier social events of the season. To miss it would be unthinkable.
Magnum: This hurricane that's brewing is also one of the premier events of the season. To miss it would be impossible! (00:04:00)
Magnum: Look, I gotta run. I'll see you this afternoon.
TC: Hey man, it's Friday, Thomas. I need the fifty bucks to buy a fuel pump for my chopper.
Magnum: Well, all I've got is a twenty.
TC: [sighs] A'ight man, that will do for right now.
Magnum: TC! You mean you'd let me drive out of here broke?
TC: Well that's the way you ALWAYS drive in! The money, Thomas.
Magnum: OK, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll loan you ten until this evening.
TC: You'll loan me ten? You owe me fifty!
Magnum: That's right, which I don't have, so I'll loan you ten to keep you afloat. You can pay me back! When I pay you the fifty.
TC: Whoa, whoa whoa. What's with this Abbott and Costello routine? You owe me fifty, you loan me ten? Forget it!
Magnum: Oh, ok! Thanks, I owe you one. [drives off]
TC: You owe me one? YOU OWE ME FIFTY! (00:19:20)
Higgins: Certain past indiscretions...Various incriminating lapses noted in my log...
Magnum: Higgins. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that you can tell Robin that he doesn't already know. That we haven't laughed about together.
Higgins: The potato chip heiress from Buffalo who filled the tidal pool with...
Magnum: A little misunderstanding, Higgins, after it was drained.
Higgins: And then there is the Romanian mime troop who...
Magnum: Y-...you're not going to bring that up, I mean, Higgins, you were there when the paramedics arrived! You know!
Higgins: I will take note of the panic in your voice and those guilt-crazed eyes as a scent to my favor, albeit with the slightest reluctance.
Magnum: Wait a minute! This isn't a favor, this is extortion! And blackmail!
Higgins: I prefer to consider it a gentlemen's agreement, though under the circumstances the term is misused. (00:13:30)
