Quotes from Tim Allen movies and TV shows - page 2 of 4

Laura: Here's Neil's mother's number.
Scott Calvin: 1-800-SPANK-ME? I know that number.

Charlie: Dad?
Scott Calvin: What is it, Charlie?
Charlie: Maybe you better leave some milk and cookies out, just in case. Okay?
Scott Calvin: Great. I'll just go pre-heat the oven.
Charlie: And don't forget the fire extinguisher.
Scott Calvin: Good night, Charlie.

Scott Calvin: Hey, Charlie, you know how to call 911?
Charlie: Sure, 9-1-1.

Scott Calvin: Who gave you permission to tell Charlie there was no Santa Claus? I think if we're going to destroy our son's delusions, I should be a part of it.

Scott Calvin: Here we are. Denny's. Always open.
Charlie: I don't wanna eat here.
Scott Calvin: What are you talking about? Everybody likes Denny's, it's an American institution.

Scott Calvin: Hey, I know where this is going. The other guy fell, it was an accident. I've got homeowners insurance, and a good attorney, not as good as my wife's - but let's not open up that wound.

Mr. Whittle: Good God, your weight! What happened?
Scott Calvin: Bee sting. Evidently I'm allergic. It almost killed me. But, the guy at the emergency room said that eventually the swelling will go down. I hope.

Charlie: You said you believe in Santa Claus, right, Dad?
Scott Calvin: I did? I do.

Charlie: Whoa, how did you do that? How did that feel, Dad?
Scott Calvin: It felt like "America's Most Wanted."

Scott Calvin: Merry Christmas to all, and too all a good night! When I wake up, I'm getting a cat scan!

Buzz: I just want you to know that although you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.
Woody: Oh, well, that's good.
Buzz: But we're not on my planet, are we?
Woody: No.

Woody: You are a TOY!
Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man. You have my pity.

Buzz Lightyear: To infinity...and beyond!

Buzz: I've set my laser from stun to kill.
Woody: Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death.

Woody: Hey, Buzz! You're flying!
Buzz: This isn't flying, this is falling with style!

Buzz: Do you know these life forms?
Woody: Yes, they're Andy's toys.

Woody: Uh, Buzz, we missed the truck!
Buzz: We're not aiming for the truck!

Buzz Lightyear: I tell you I can fly around this room with my eyes closed.
Woody: Alright then, Mr. Lightbeer, prove it.

Buzz Lightyear: I'll never give in. You killed my father!
Emperor Zurg: No, Buzz. I *am* your father!
Buzz Lightyear: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Woody: I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
Buzz Lightyear: To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.