Quotes from Tim Allen movies and TV shows

Nora Krank: You forgot the white chocolate.
Luther Krank: They didn't have any.
Nora Krank: Did you talk to Rex?
Luther Krank: Who's Rex?
Nora Krank: The butcher.
Luther Krank: ...as odd as it sounds, I didn't think to ask the butcher where the chocolate was.

Brad Sexton: This just keeps getting better and better.

Brad Sexton: Good food, good meat. Good God, let's eat.

Tommy Webber: Go for the mouth, the throat, his vulnerable spots!
Jason Nesmith: It's a rock! It doesn't have any vulnerable spots!
Guy Fleegman: I know! You construct a weapon. Look around, can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?

Jason Nesmith: Never give up. Never surrender.

Jason Nesmith: You WILL go out there.
Sir Alexander Dane: I won't and nothing you say will make me.
Jason Nesmith: The show must go on.
Sir Alexander Dane: ...Damn you.

Michael Cromwell: I should probably take some pictures of Mimi.
Richard Kempster: I can never have enough pictures of my kids. I have like, four hundred albums. I never look at them, but they exist... it's good, you know?

Michael Cromwell: Do you mean to tell me that you are walking around New York City with A million dollars in A suitcase?

Dr. Patricia Cromwell: His name's Mimi-Siku. Roughly translated, it means "cat piss."
Michael Cromwell: He chose the name "cat piss"?
Dr. Patricia Cromwell: He was six years old at the time! It's a territorial thing.

Neil Miller: I know you can find someone wonderful to spend the rest of your life with. Don't let the facts that you have no time, no prospects, and a paralyzingly fear of intimacy, get you down.
Scott Calvin: Have you ever helped anyone, ever?

Bishop73

Scott Calvin: You HIT me with a shovel.

Mother Nature: Jack Frost, You are hereby charged with 273 counts of attempted upstaging of Santa Claus. You froze a volcano in Hawaii. You made it snow in the Amazon. And you frosted Mexico, sending all of the geese north for the winter. You have violated the Legendary Figures Code of Conduct in a manner that is both willful and malicious.
Jack Frost: Excuse me... Did you just accuse me of being skillful and delicious.
Scott Calvin: Oh, please.
Jack Frost: Guilty as charged.

Scott Calvin: I thought the idea was to give them the sleeping powder when we got them in the car.
Sandman: I just couldn't listen to the Yosemite story again.

Scott Calvin: Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?

Charlie: These are Santa's reindeer, aren't they?
Scott Calvin: I hope not. These are... A gift. Probably from the cable company. We're getting the Disney Channel now. Merry Christmas.

Charlie: Whoa, Dad! You're flying.
Scott Calvin: It's okay, I'm used to it. I lived through the '60s.

Charlie: Neil's a really good cook.
Scott Calvin: Yeah, and you should see him walk on water.
Charlie: You don't like him very much, do you, Dad?
Scott Calvin: Charlie, I'm sorry, I was just kidding around around. Sure I like him. But there's just something about him that makes me want to -.
Charlie: Lash out irrationally?
Scott Calvin: Now, where did you hear that?
Charlie: From Neil. I learn a lot from him. He listens to me.
Scott Calvin: Yeah! And he charges you for it.

Scott Calvin: The only thing you need to worry about is where you're going to buy your sweaters after the circus pulls out of town.

Scott Calvin: Well, isn't that a pretty picture, Santa rolling down the block in a panzer! Well kids, I... I certainly hope you have been good this year, cause it looks like Santa just took out the Pearson home. Incoming.

Scott Calvin: Charlie, stay away from those things. They're reindeer, you don't know where they've been. They all look like they've got key lime disease.