Quotes from Steve Coogan movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Passepartout: I'm your new valet.
Phileas Fogg: Uh... I must commend the valet service on their impeccable foresight. But they know I only accept French valets.
Passepartout: Yes. Oh! Oui! Oui! I come from a long line of French valets. On my father's side. Very, very French.
Phileas Fogg: But your accent.
Passepartout: My father French. Never speak. My mother Chinese and never shuts up. All the children pick up her accent.

Steve Coogan: Womb with a view.

Walter Shandy: My son is not yet born, and I am already exhausted.

Rob Brydon: The thing is, I can't act.
Steve Coogan: I know that.
Rob Brydon: ...with Gillian Anderson. I have a sexual thing for Gillian Anderson.

Tony Wilson: Why "Tristram Shandy"? This is the book that many people said is unfilmable.
Steve Coogan: I think that's the attraction. "Tristram Shandy" was a post-modern classic written before there was any modernism to be post about. So it was way ahead of its time and, in fact, for those who haven't heard of it, it was actually listed as number eight on the Observer's top 100 books of all time.
Tony Wilson: That was a chronological list.

Silas: Wait, that's not a monster! That's a man wearing shoulder pads. There's only one supervillain whose fashion sense is quite dead dated... Balthazar Bratt! I want every agent on this scene immediately.

Dana Marschz: Oh my god, writing is so hard.

Dana Marschz: We are putting on this play and if you don't like it, then tough titties you assturd monkey fucker.

Dana Marschz: It's a slippery slope... beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail.

Cricket Feldstein: Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang.
Dana Marschz: Uh... yeah.
Cricket Feldstein: Y'know, and those Bible-humping protesters can suck a bag of dicks, 'cause all I ended up doing was giving you free publicity.
Dana Marschz: Yeah, and did you see my dressing room? It has a bidet.
Elisabeth Shue: That was a sink.
Dana Marschz: It was?

Cricket Feldstein: No one is shutting down this play. The Justice Department and the so-called Supreme Court can suck my balls.
Dana Marschz: Why do they have to do this?
Cricket Feldstein: My balls?

Dana Marschz: I feel like I'm in a cage! And I feel like Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas! Starring my good friend, Elisabeth Shue.

Martin Sixsmith: The end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
Philomena: That's lovely, Martin. Did you just think of that?
Martin Sixsmith: No, it's T.S. Eliot.

Philomena: Oh... that's for good luck.
Martin Sixsmith: I always thought that St. Christopher was a bit of a Mickey Mouse saint. I used to be an altar boy.

Martin Sixsmith: Well... I couldn't forgive you.

Philomena: I've always wanted to see him in his big chair.
Martin Sixsmith: Well, he was uh... a big man. Literally. 6 foot 4, tallest American president.
Philomena: You can see that. He's tall even sitting down.

Philomena: Sister Hildegarde, I want you to know that I forgive you.
Martin Sixsmith: What? Just like that?
Philomena: Its not 'just like that'... it's hard. That's hard for me. But I don't want to hate people. I don't want to be like you... Look at you.
Martin Sixsmith: I'm angry.
Philomena: Must be exhausting.

Philomena: He doesn't want to see me, isn't it?
Martin Sixsmith: Some people have problem to deal with the past... not you, though. But I'm sure he'll come around.

Philomena: Remember Martin, it isn't their fault. They didn't know Anthony had a different name.
Martin Sixsmith: One of them did.

Sister Hildegarde: The Lord Jesus Christ will be my judge - not the likes of you.
Martin Sixsmith: Really? Because I think if Jesus was here right now he'd tip you out of that fucking wheelchair - and you wouldn't get up and walk.