Quotes from Steve Coogan movies and TV shows

Tony Wilson: We're still together, so whatever you're thinking you're wrong.

Tony Wilson: What're you doing?
Martin Hannett: Recording silence.
Tony Wilson: Recording silence?
Martin Hannett: No, I'm recording Tony fucking Wilson.

Tony Wilson: You know, I think that Shaun Ryder is on a par with W.B. Yeats as a poet.
Yvette: Really?
Tony Wilson: Absolutely. Totally.
Yvette: Well, that is amazing, considering everyone else thinks he's a fucking idiot.

Tony Wilson: I'm being postmodern, before it's fashionable.

Tony Wilson: Energy, energy? Energy is, is, it's nothing more than a lot of new age hokum masquerading as spirituality.

Tony Wilson: I am not a lump of hash. I'm in charge of Factory Records. I think.

Tony Wilson: Jazz is the last refuge of the untalented. Jazz musicians enjoy themselves more than anyone listening to them does.

Tony Wilson: This scene didn't actually make it to the final cut. I'm sure it'll be on the DVD.

Tony Wilson: I'm a minor player in my own life story.

Tony Wilson: What's wrong with London Records?
Rob Gretton: The name, for a start.

Tony Wilson: This morning I was doing a story about an elephant being washed by a midget.
Charles: He's a dwarf.
Tony Wilson: It doesn't matter.
Charles: Well, it matters to him.

Tony Wilson: The smaller the attendance the bigger the history. There were 12 people at the last supper. Half a dozen at Kitty Hawk. Archimedes was on his own in the bath.

Tony Wilson: Every band needs its own special chemistry. And Bez was a very good chemist.

Tony Wilson: And tonight something equally epoch-making is taking place. See? They're applauding the DJ. Not the music, not the musician, not the creator, but the medium. This is it. The birth of rave culture. The beatification of the beat. The dance age. This is the moment when even the white man starts dancing. Welcome to Manchester.

Tony Wilson: It looks fucking great actually - yeah, really nice. It's beautiful - but useless. And as William Morris once said: "Nothing useless can be truly beautiful."

Yvette: And what do you do?
Tony Wilson: How do you mean?
Yvette: You know, your job?
Tony Wilson: Well, I'm Tony Wilson.

Alan Partridge: You're like a big Geordie Anne Frank.

Pat: Do you like country music, Alan?
Alan: Can't say I do, Pat. It's just jilted spouses complaining whilst drunk. Also known as a date if you're over 40.

Officer: Do you suffer from any nervous conditions, such as panic attacks?
Alan: Do I look like I suffer from panic attacks? I've had one panic attack, in a car wash. It was a perfect storm of no sleep, no wife, and angry brushes whirring towards me. By the time the giant hair dryer came on I was in the footwell.

Alan: She's a drunk racist. I'll tolerate one but not both.