Quotes from Steve Carell movies and TV shows - page 2 of 5

Brick Tamland: I can always guess how many jelly beans are in a jelly bean jar, even if I'm wrong.

Bobby Riggs: You and me, Billie Jean. Three sets, five sets - your choice.
Billie Jean King: Are you drunk, Bobby?
Bobby Riggs: No, of course not. How about this: "Man vs. Woman." "Male Chauvinist Pig vs Hairy-Legged Feminist."

Bobby Riggs: No offense. You're still a feminist, right?
Billie Jean King: No, I'm a tennis player who happens to be a woman.

Bobby Riggs: I'm gonna put the "show" back in "chauvinism."

Mark Baum: I don't get it. Why are they confessing?
Danny Moses: They're not confessing.
Porter Collins: They're bragging.

Danny Moses: You're completely sure of the math?
Jared Vennett: Look at him, that's my quant.
Mark Baum: Your what?
Jared Vennett: My quantitative. My math specialist. Look at him, you notice anything different about him? Look at his face.
Mark Baum: That's pretty racist.
Jared Vennett: Look at his eyes, I'll give you a hint, his name is Yang. He won a national math competition in China he doesn't even speak English! Yeah I'm sure of the math.

Mark Baum: For fifteen thousand years, fraud and short sighted thinking have never, ever worked. Not once. Eventually you get caught, things go south. When the hell did we forget all that? I thought we were better than this, I really did.

Mark Baum: Short everything that man has touched.

Phil Stern: Two time Academy Award winner.
Bobby: Wow, congratulations.
Howard: Thank you. You've never heard of me, I'm a writer.

Cal: I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one... You never give up.

Claire Foster: Honey, If I'm gonna get whacked off, I...
[Phil laughs.]
Claire Foster: What are you smiling about?
Phil Foster: No, no, we might get bumped off. We're not going to get whacked off.
Claire Foster: I think we are!

Phil Foster: [To Holbrooke.] Would you please, for the love of God, PUT ON A FUCKING SHIRT?!?

Gru: Do you speak Spanish?
Miss Hattie: Do I look like someone who speaks Spanish?
Gru: It's just that your face is so... Como es burro.
Miss Hattie: Oh! Why, thank you!

Gru: We are going to pull of the TRUE crime of the century... We are going to steal the MOON!

Margo: What kind of dog is that?
Gru: He is a... I don't know.

Edith: You're gonna be a spy?!
Gru: That's right, baby! Gru's back in the game with gadgets, and weapons, and cool cars!

Gru: Goodnight Margo. Whoa, wait, hold your horses, who are you texting?
Margo: No one, just my friend Avery.
Gru: Oh, Avery, wait. Avery, is that a boy's name or a girl's name?
Margo: Does it matter?
Gru: No, no, it doesn't matter, Unless it's a boy!

Agnes: I know what makes you a boy.
Gru: Uh... You do?
Agnes: The bald head.
Gru: Oh, yes.
Agnes: It's really smooth. Sometimes I stare at it, I imagine a little chick popping out. Peep-peep-peep-peep.
Gru: Good night, Agnes. Never get older.

Margo: I hate boys.
Gru: Yeah... Well, they stink.

Gru: Good day, Mister Sheepsbutt.
Silas: Ramsbottom
Gru: Yeah, like that's any better.