Quotes from Peter Falk movies and TV shows

Lou Peckinpaugh: What you you doing here?
Betty DeBoop: I missed my boat.
Lou Peckinpaugh: It doesn't sail until tomorrow.
Betty DeBoop: So I missed it a little early.

Betty DeBoop: You'll be back.
Lou Peckinpaugh: What makes you think so?
Betty DeBoop: You forgot the glasses.

Lou Peckinpaugh: Don't call me for three days, and when you do, use your real name. By the way, what is it?
Mrs. Montenegro: Mary Jones. I swear it, Lou.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Well, change it. It sounds phony.

Lou Peckinpaugh: Did you ever stop to worry that I might have killed myself over you?
Marlene DuChard: And if you had, it would have been easier than what I went through. Sleeping night after night with a man I didn't really love. Feeling his hands on my skin. Watching me undress. Taking baths and showers with me. Making me wear all sorts of.
Lou Peckinpaugh: All right, I got the picture. I heard it. Let's go on to something new.

Lou Peckinpaugh: I'm using rented bullets for my gun. We all got problems.

Lou Peckinpaugh: Miss De Vega, I presume.
Mrs. Montenegro: Mr. Peckinpaugh, you look startled.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Oh, no, it's just that, uh, you look like... fourteen other dames that was here the other night.
Mrs. Montenegro: Yes, I know. They were my sister.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Well, that explains the resemblance.
Mrs. Montenegro: Not to me - she was adopted.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Yeah? Well, so am I, but... I don't look like your sister either.

Jasper Blubber: We should leave separately. Makes more sense if I go first.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Why is that?
Jasper Blubber: Then I don't get stuck with the check.

Jasper Blubber: The murderer is a Rumanian sailor by the name of Vladimir Tserijemiwtz.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Can you say that again?
Jasper Blubber: Not without spitting. - Well, sir, I have spent sixteen years, and every penny I have, sir, tracking this man down, and at last I have found him! He is here in San Francisco, just as sure as you're sitting there. He's changed his name by making an anagram out of his original name. Seven years I've tried to unscramble it, to no avail.

Lou Peckinpaugh: Don't be stubborn, you crazy Frenchman. Time is on their side.
Bess: I don't think he's being stubborn - I think he's being dead.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Just once I'd like to see somebody die regular on this case.

Lou Peckinpaugh: You said on the phone last night, sir, that you thought that I could be of some service to you.
Jezebel Dezire: Just how good is your service?
Lou Peckinpaugh: I try to satisfy.
Jezebel Dezire: Do you charge by the hour or by the satisfaction?

Lou Peckinpaugh: You mean you married your own father?
Mrs. Montenegro: It's not like you think. It was a simple wedding, done very tastefully.
Lou Peckinpaugh: I'm sure it was. If you could just give me his name.
Mrs. Montenegro: Vladimir Tserijemiwtz.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Vladimir Tserijemiwtz. How do you spell that?
Mrs. Montenegro: I'm not sure. Well, we were never that close.

Lou Peckinpaugh: You can pay, of course.
Paul DuChard: Ah, monsieur, we, we're not wealthy people. We lost over four million francs betting on the war.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Who'd you have?
Marcel: We took France - at eight to five.

Bess: You have a visitor in there, a Miss Sophie De Vega.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Pretty?
Bess: Prettier than me, but I'm easier.
Lou Peckinpaugh: I'm saving you for the rainy season.

Jezebel Dezire: Won't you join me in a little drinkie? What's your pleasure?
Lou Peckinpaugh: Uh, what you got there looks good.
Jezebel Dezire: I know... but I thought you'd like a little drink first.

Columbo: Oh, I didn't come to ask any more questions. I came to arrest you.

Lt. Columbo: There must be something wrong with me. I seem to bother people, to make them nervous.

Dr. Ray Flemming: They expect me to be on call at all hours.
Lt. Columbo: Same with me, Doctor.

Lt. Columbo: I think I'm too suspicious. I don't trust people, that's my trouble.

Dr. Ray Flemming: People don't always do the rational thing.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, they sure don't! You learn a lot about that in my line. Well, I guess you do in yours too.

Lt. Columbo: There's just one more thing, sir.