Quotes from Michael Cera movies and TV shows - page 3 of 3

Evan: Calm down, calm down. She likes you. She wants to suck on your penis. That's a good thing. It's the best.

Fogell: Oh oh, I forgot to tell you: my mom said we could have the TV from the basement...
Evan: Shut the fuck up, man. He's gonna hear you. Just be quiet; wait until he goes away.
Fogell: You still haven't told him that we're rooming together?
Evan: Fogell... Shut the fuck up. And take off that vest. You look like Aladdin.

Seth: Look at those nipples.
Evan: They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... And like, I have to hide every erection I get.
Evan: Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in.
Seth: You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hinds it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton.

Evan: You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean that could be anything, it could be a bowling site.
Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern.
Evan: Right, I didn't realize that.
Seth: Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself?
Evan: No.
Seth: [shakes his head.] Not for me.

Jackie the Talent Agent: The Murricane skulking down the back stairs like some 25-dollar-an-hour Twin Cities hooker.
Bill Murray: Go away. I told you. I don't want a manager, especially you.

Quantom X ★

Zed: You could be my right-hand man.
Oh: I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.

Oh: I'm a virgin by choice.
Zed: Ha. Not your choice!