Quotes from Michael Cera movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Stacey Pilgrim: I mean, did you really see a future with this girl?
Scott Pilgrim: Like... With jetpacks?

Knives Chau: I've never even kissed a guy before.
Scott Pilgrim: Hey... Me neither.

Scott Pilgrim: What's the website for Amazon.ca?
Wallace Wells: Amazon.ca.

Scott Pilgrim: Hey so, can this not be a one-night stand? For one thing I didn't even get any. That was a joke.
Ramona V. Flowers: What did you have in mind?
Scott Pilgrim: Oh, come to this first round of this battle of the bands thing.
Ramona V. Flowers: You have a band?
Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, we're terrible. Please come.

Roxy Richter: Oh I'd love to postpone darling, but I just cashed in my last rain check.
Scott Pilgrim: Where's that from?
Roxy Richter: My brain!

Ramona V. Flowers: We all have baggage.
Scott Pilgrim: Yeah well, my baggage doesn't try and kill me every five minutes.

Stacey Pilgrim: Next time, we don't date the girl with eleven evil ex-boyfriends.
Scott Pilgrim: Seven.
Stacey Pilgrim: Well, that's not that bad.

Scott Pilgrim: You know her?
Ramona V. Flowers: It was just a phase.
Scott Pilgrim: You had a sexy phase?
Ramona V. Flowers: I was just a litte bi-curious.
Roxy Richter: I'm just a little bi-furious!

Scott Pilgrim: You're pretentious, this club sucks, I have beef. Let's fight.

Stacey Pilgrim: You should break up with your fake highschool girlfriend!
Scott Pilgrim: Wait who told you?
Stacey Pilgrim: Wallace.
Scott Pilgrim: He's not even conscious!

Scott Pilgrim: That's it! You cocky cock! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity.

Stacey Pilgrim: 17-year-old? Scandal.
Scott Pilgrim: Who told you.
Stacey Pilgrim: Wallace, duh.
Scott Pilgrim: That gossipy bitch.
Wallace Wells: You know me.

Becca: I'm so wet right now.
Evan: Yeah... They said that would happen in Health Class.

Fogell: Yo guys! 'Sup?
Seth: Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out or what?
Fogell: No no, man. I got it; it is flawless. Check it!
Evan: Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait. You changed your name to McLovin?
Fogell: Yeah.
Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?
Fogell: Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.
Seth: And you landed on McLovin.
Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.
Seth: Why the FUCK would it be between THAT or Muhammed? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?
Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once.
Evan: Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named Muhammed?
Fogell: Have YOU actually ever met anyone named McLovin?
Seth: No, that's why you picked a dumb fucking name!
Fogell: Fuck you.
Seth: Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2, it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"!
Evan: What? One name? ONE NAME? Who are you? Seal?
Seth: Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?
Fogell: Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face: every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. Pssh, how many 21 year olds do you think there are in this town? It's called fucking strategy, all right?
Evan: Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... It's a fine ID; it'll... It's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?
Fogell: I am McLovin!
Seth: No you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made up dumb FUCKING FAIRY TALE NAME, YOU FUCK!

Seth: I joined this class because I thought I was going to be cooking with a partner. But she's never here, and I don't get twice the grades for doing all the work.
Teacher: I didn't invent odd numbers, Seth.
Seth: I know, but look at Evan. Just look at him.
Evan: [His partner is tying on his apron.] Hey, don't keep me waiting much longer, I'm getting impatient up here.
Seth: I'm over here in my unit, isolated and alone, eating my terrible tasting food, and I have to look over at that. That looks like the most fun I've ever seen in my entire life, and it's B.S. - excuse my language. I'm just saying that I wash and dry; I'm like a single mother. Look, we all know home-ec is a joke - no offense - it's just that everyone takes this class to get an A, and it's bullshit - and I'm sorry. I'm not putting down your profession, but it's just the way I feel. I don't want to sit here, all by myself, cooking this shitty food - no offense - and I just think that I don't need to cook tiramisu. Am I going to be a chef? No. There's three weeks left of school, give me a fuckin' break! I'm sorry for cursing.
Teacher: All right, Jules' partner isn't here either, pair up with her, station four.
Seth: Jules? Alright I'll give it another shot - give home-ec another shot.

Evan: Fogell, I don't understand why you we're smoking cigarettes with those cops.
Fogell: Because I fuckin' rule?

Becca: Your cock is so smooth!
Evan: Yours would be too... If you were a man.

Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back problems, man. (01:53:10)

Becca: [drunkenly making out with Evan.] I *so* flirt with you in math.
Evan: Tell me about it. I - same-sies.

Evan: I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.