Quotes from Leslie Nielsen movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Frank: Oh, by the way. Congratulations. I heard Edna's pregnant again.
Ed: Yeah. And when I catch the guy who did it...

Frank Drebin: Hey, Rocco. Who's the old bag? She take one in the face?
Rocco: She's my mother.
Frank Drebin: Oh. Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, sadistic, cold-blooded animal. You must be very proud of him.
Mrs. Dillon: I am.

Frank Drebin: Faster than you could say spread 'em, I was inside the cold, gray walls of Statesville Prison. I was surrounded by pimps, rapists, and murderers. It was like being in the stands of a Los Angels Raiders game.

Bishop73

Frank Drebin: Like a midget at a urinal, I knew I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Frank Drebin: Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

Ed Hocken: We heard about you and Jane.
Frank Drebin: Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let's just stick to dinner.

Jane Spencer: Can I interest you in a night cap?
Frank Drebin: No, thank you, I don't wear them.

Mayor: Now, Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side last year. That's my policy.
Frank Drebin: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a man in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.
Mayor: That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron. You killed five actors! Good ones!

Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Frank: Just think; next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Frank: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat.

Frank: I can't hear you. Don't fire the gun while you're talking.

Father Luke Brophy: She has an unGodly voice, maniacal facial expressions.
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: That doesn't prove a thing, she could be related to Joe Cocker.
Father Luke Brophy: No.
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Could it be she had PMS?

George: Family, that's just what I've been running away from.
President Harris: Well, that's because you're an idiot.

President Harris: You're excited? You should feel my nipples.

President Harris: I just want to tell you both good luck, we're all counting on you.

President Harris: Get me the President.
John Wilson: You are the President.
President Harris: Good. Then I already know about this. Let's order lunch.

Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: You carry a UB-21 Schnauzer with a Gnab silencer. That's KGB. You prefer an H&K over an A.K. Your surveillance technique is NSA. Your ID is CIA. You received your Ph.D. at NYU. Traded in your GTO for a BMV. You listen to CDs by R.E.M. and STP. And you'd like to see J.F.K. in his BVDs, getting down with O.P.P. And you probably put the toilet paper back on the roll with the paper on the inside.

Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: Operator, get me Washington.
Operator: George?
Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: D.C.