Frank Drebin: Faster than you could say spread 'em, I was inside the cold, gray walls of Statesville Prison. I was surrounded by pimps, rapists, and murderers. It was like being in the stands of a Los Angels Raiders game.
Frank Drebin: Hey, Rocco. Who's the old bag? She take one in the face?
Rocco: She's my mother.
Frank Drebin: Oh. Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, sadistic, cold-blooded animal. You must be very proud of him.
Mrs. Dillon: I am.
Weird Al Yankovic: He had silver hair.
Vanna White: Six-two.
Weird Al Yankovic: Kind of looked like Phil Donahue.
Frank Drebin: Like a midget at a urinal, I knew I was going to have to stay on my toes.
Olympia Dukakis: What's that?
James Earl Jones: It looks like Phil Donahue throwing up into a tuba.
Frank Drebin: Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.
Ed Hocken: We heard about you and Jane.
Frank Drebin: Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: [smacking police light during intro] This happens every fucking time when I go shopping.
Chosen answer: Yes. Any live show can go to commercial at any time. It's a way to have a check against things going wrong.
Greg Dwyer