Quotes from Jason Lee movies and TV shows - page 3 of 3

Shannon Hamilton: That's it. You're dead, mallrat! I'm gonna fuck you up beyond repair.
Brodie: Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.
Gil Hicks: What... like the back of a Volkswagen?

Brodie: I love the smell of commerce in the morning.

Gwen: Tell me about the elevator.
Brodie: It goes up-and-down. Ba-dump-tsss.

Brodie: You fuckers think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some shit?

T.S. Quint: You should see yourself right now - a grown man with his hand down his pants.
Brodie: Yeah, I probably look like my old man.

Brodie: Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? They're a little melty but damn are they exquisite.

Ivannah: It's the third nipple that does it.
T.S. Quint: Oh, you have a third nipple? I didn't notice.
Brodie: What are you talking about? It's as clear as day! Look at it for god's sake.
Ivannah: You can stare at it. I don't mind.

Brodie: You're going to listen to me? To something that I said? Hell, most of the time I'm just talking out of my ass... or sticking my hand in it.

T.S. Quint: Why do palm reading topless?
Brodie: It makes the news easier to take. She could tell me I was going to die in ten minutes, just as long as she told me topless.
T.S. Quint: Your maleness amazes me sometimes.

Brodie: You used to like tits too.
T.S. Quint: Hey, I love tits as much as the next guy, but why should I pay some old hag good money for some supernatural chicanery coupled with a pair of sagging wrinkled weathered boobs?

Brodie: That kid is back... on the escalator again.

Stan Lee: They look happy, don't they?
Brodie: What, the bras?

T.S. Quint: Maybe he's calmed down, we'll talk about it reasonably.
Brodie: Reasonably shmeasonably, you should go over there and give him shit.

Brodie: I call you all time.
Rene: "Rene, my mom's asleep. Come over." You call that romantic? When was the last time you pulled out my chair, or told me I was beautiful?
Brodie: And this guy does all this in a day?
Rene: This guy already introduced me to his mother.
Brodie: Really?

Brandi: Suitor #2.
Gil Hicks: Hey, what about me?
Brodie: Aw Gil, just shut the fuck up.

T.S. Quint: How easily do you quit? Say you wind up with one of us?
Brodie: Hopefully not Rush Limbaugh over here.
Gil Hicks: Well, now, I'm not like Rush Limbaugh.
Brodie: Well, why not? Because he's fat? Now you have something against fat people, too?

Brodie: You've probably had a slew of women since her, am I right?
Stan Lee: Oh, lots of women. Jagger and me, we had a running contest to see who had the most. In fact, last time I checked I was way ahead.

Brodie: The Thing! Is his dork made out of orange rock like the rest of his body?
Stan Lee: I don't know. It's a superhero secret.

Ivannah: All right, gentlemen. Free your mind.
Brodie: I'd like to free something.
Ivannah: Fuckus.
Brodie: Just what I was thinking.
T.S. Quint: She said focus.
Brodie: Whatever.