Agent 99: Are you staring at my butt?
Maxwell Smart: No, no, I...I was, but I'm not...I'm staring again.
Agent 99: Max has no experience, and I don't want him as my partner.
Maxwell Smart: Well, that is a sucker punch to the gonads.
Larabee: I'll do it sir, I have no problem exposing myself.
Agent 99: Do you ever think before you open your mouth?
Larabee: No, I tend to just whip it out there.
Agent 99: Did you see anything while I was dancing?
Maxwell Smart: Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you that high.
Agent 99: Be careful, these lasers will cut off anything they touch.
Maxwell Smart: Which is why wearing boxers was a bad idea.
Max: All I see is rats and poop. Oh, there's a rat riding on a piece of poop.
Agent 99: Shut up.
Jules: Mark Zuckerberg never brought in a CEO - and he was a teenager.
Jules: The truth is... something about you makes me feel calm, or more centered, or something. And I could use that. Obviously.
Jules: It's 2015, are we really still critical of working moms?
Elena McMahon: In a perfect world we make perfect choices. In the real world we make real choices.
Jamie Randall: I need you.
Maggie Murdock: Please go away.
Jamie Randall: I drove a really long way to say that!
Maggie Murdock: What, am I supposed to be impressed?
Jamie Randall: I don't know, yes?
Maggie Murdock: I'm gonna need you more than you need me.
Jamie Randall: That's okay.
Maggie Murdock: No it's not! It isn't *fair*! I have places to go!
Jamie Randall: You'll go there. I just may have to carry you.
Maggie Murdock: ...I can't ask you to do that.
Jamie Randall: You didn't.
Maggie Murdock: You are not a good person because you pity fucked a sick girl.
Fantine: I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living!
Emma: A tortilla is either corn or wheat. But a corn tortilla folded and filled is a taco, whereas a filled wheat tortilla is a burrito. Deep fry a burrito, it's a chimichanga. Toast a tortilla, it's a tostada. Roll it, it's an enchilada.
Emma: I'll only be a minute. No playing with yourself while I'm gone.
Emma: Welcome to the graveyard of ambition.
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