Quotes from Alec Baldwin movies and TV shows

Liz Lemon: I know who I am. I know I'm not the funnest person in the group. I'm not the one you call when you want to go clubbing on the town and party dance all night.
Jack: Why are you speaking like a Persian immigrant?

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz Lemon: That word bums me out unless it's between the words "meat" and "pizza."

Jack: Look how Greenzo's testing! They love him in every demographic: colored people, broads, fairies, commies. Gosh, we gotta update these forms.

Jack: I'm not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.

Jack: Lemon, I'm impressed. You're beginning to think like a businessman.
Liz Lemon: A businesswoman.
Jack: I don't think that's a word.

Jack: Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs.

Liz Lemon: Why are you wearing a tux?
Jack: It's after 6 o'clock Lemon. What am I, a farmer?

Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits: "America's Next Top Pirate", "Are You Stronger Than a Dog?", "milf Island "
Liz Lemon: "milf Island"?
Jack: Twenty-five super-hot moms, 50 eighth-grade boys, no rules.
Liz Lemon: Oh yeah, didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?
Jack: That doesn't mean she's not a wonderful, caring milf.

Adam Maitland: What are your qualifications?
Beetlejuice: Ah, well, I attended Juliard, I graduated from Harvard Business School, I travel quite extensively, I lived through the Black Plague and I had a pretty good time during that, I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it, not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy! NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Beetlejuice: Alright, let's get down to business! I got a card around here somewhere. Here, here, who do I have to kill? Here, hold that for me, would you?
Barbara Maitland: Whoa! Ah!
Beetlejuice: There you go!
Adam Maitland: You don't have to kill anybody!
Beetlejuice: Ah! Possession! Good! [Beetlejuice's voice comes out of Barbra's mouth] Learn to throw your voice. Fool your friends! Fun at parties!

Boss Baby: I can't do this without you.
Tim: Yeah, we do make a pretty good team.
Boss Baby: No really... I can't reach the doorknobs.

Boss Baby: Fart poop doodie.

Tim: You can talk!
Boss Baby: Ah, goo goo ga ga.
Tim: No, you can really talk!
Boss Baby: Fine! I can talk. Now let's see if you can listen. Give me a double espresso and find a place around here with good sushi, I'd KILL for a spicy tuna roll right about now.

Tim: That's my special song! My parents wrote it just for me.
Boss Baby: Your parents are Lennon and McCartney?

Boss Baby: Put... that... cookie... down! Cookies are for closers.

Tim: Can't we just share?
Boss Baby: You really didn't go to business school, did you?

Ellerby: I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself.

Dignam: My people are out there. They're like fuckin' Indians. You're not gonna see 'em you're not gonna hear about 'em except from me or Captain Queenan. You will not ever know the identity of undercover people. Unfortunately, this shithole has more fuckin' leaks than the Iraqi Navy.
Ellerby: Fuck yourself.
Dignam: I'm tired from fuckin' your wife.
Ellerby: How's your mother?
Dignam: Good, she's tired from fuckin' my father.

Ellerby: You have an immaculate record. Some guys don't trust an immaculate record. I do. I have an immaculate record.

Charles Morse: You saved me.
Robert Green: Get over it, Charles - I just need you to navigate.
Charles Morse: You saved my life.
Robert Green: Well, I couldn't kill you with Stephen around. I'd have to kill him too, and he's the only one that knows how I like my coffee.
Charles Morse: Come on, you saved my life.
Robert Green: Buy me something nice when we get home.
Charles Morse: How'd you like your coffee?
Robert Green: Huh. I like my coffee like I like my women.
Stephen: Bitter and murky.