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Bulletin Board - S3-E16

Frank: [on Margaret's request] I just can't do it, Margaret. It just rubs against the grain. "Neither a lender nor a borrower be." Polonius.
Margaret: "To give, and not count the cost." St. Ignatius Loyola
Frank: "The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet, and steady, and loyal and enduring a nature, that it will last throughout a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money." Mark Twain.
Margaret: "Blow it out your ear!" Margaret Houlihan.

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The Incubator - S2-E12

General Mitchell: Now wait a minute! This is a press conference! The last thing I want to do is answer a lot of questions.

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5 O'Clock Charlie - S2-E2

Trapper: Count off!
Radar: [to Hawkeye ]Are you one?
Hawkeye: Yes, are you one too?

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Chief Surgeon Who? - S1-E4

Frank: Haven't you two anything better to do when you're off duty than to lie around and swill gin?
Hawkeye: Swill gin?! Sir, I have sipped, lapped, and taken gin intravenously, but I have never swilled.

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Sefton: Sprechen sie Deutsch [Do you speak German]?
Price: No, I don't sprechen sie Deutsch.
Sefton: Maybe just one word? "Kaput"? Because you're kaput, Price.

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Farr: I said, 'Who brought in the fucking gook?"
Adrian: The khaki eclipse. I did. Hey, come on now. If you kick out the gooks, the next thing you have to kick out the chinks, the spics, the spooks, the kikes. Then all you have left in here is a couple of brain-dead rednecks, and what fun would that be?

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Cronaur: Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP, shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT? Cause if it leaks to the VC, he could end up an MIA, and then we'd all be put on KP.

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Sergeant Schultz Meets Mata Hari - S3-E4

Hogan: Don't worry, Schultz. We'll have you Germans whipped in no time!
Schultz: I certainly hope so!
Klink: SCHULTZ!

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Divided We Stand - S2-E1

Pierce: Listen, Frank. We're all gonna make nice for Captain Hildebrandt today, but don't push us.
Burns: Well, a shave wouldn't be a bad start. You both look more like bums than doctors.
Trapper: Actually, I was, uh, I was thinking of becoming a bum doctor. But the proctology class was full!
Burns: HA! HA! HA!

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Divided We Stand - S2-E1

Radar: Captain, it's me, Radar.
Hawkeye: Get out of here, Radar, or I'll sever every nerve in your butt!

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Zed: J! Let's put it on!
J: Put on what?
Zed: The last suit you'll ever wear!

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Dr. Teeth: Uh oh! It's the cops! The fuzz! The P-I-
Piggie: DON'T YOU SAY IT!
Dr. Teeth: Never even crossed my mind!

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Kirk: Well, Bones. Do the new medical facilities meet with your approval?
McCoy: They do not. It's like working in a damned computer center.

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McCoy: In simpler language, Captain, they drafted me!
Kirk: They didn't.
McCoy: This was your idea! This was your idea, wasn't it?
Kirk: Bones, there's a thing out there...
McCoy: Why is any object we didn't understand always called 'a thing'?

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Hook: [On Peter regaining his abilities.] I like, I like it, I like it! Oh, Smee, what a superb idea I've just had! Tomorrow, I'll make Pan's brats love me! Oh, Peter Pan will fly again, he'll remember how! If he doesn't, those dirty Lost Boys will jog his memory! Oh, yes, you'll see! He'll crow, he'll fight, he'll fly, and then... He'll die!

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Smee: I've just had an apostrophe!
Hook: I think you mean an epiphany.
Smee: Lightning... Has just struck my brain!
Hook: Well, that must hurt.

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Hook: [After Tink asks for a week.] Two days.
Tink: Four... Bare minimum for a decent Pan.
Hook: Three... Final offer!
Tink: Done!
Hook: And you'd better deliver, Miss Bell, or no amount of clapping will bring you back from where I will send you!

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Uhura: Bad news gentlemen, shore leave has been cancelled.
Chekov: Rescued at last!
Uhura: Return to pre arranged coordinates for pick up.
Sulu: Coordinates?
Chekov: Don't tell them you're lost, you'll never live it down!
Uhura: Is there a problem, gentlemen?
Sulu: Uh, yes, uh... We've been, uh, we've been caught in a blizzard!
Chekov: [Blowing into the communicator.] And we can't see a thing! Request you direct us to the coordinates!
Uhura: My visual says sunny skies and 70°!
Chekov: Sulu look! The sun has come out! It's a miracle!
Uhura: Don't worry fellas! Your secret's safe with me. I'll send a shuttlecraft to pick you up.
Sulu: Uhura, I owe you one. Sulu out.

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Bones: "You'll have a great time, Bones. You'll enjoy your shore leave. You, you'll be able to relax." You call this relaxing? I'm a nervous wreck! If I'm not careful, I'll end up talking to myself!

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Spock: General, I am in need of your assistance.
Korrd: My assistance?
Spock: You are his superior officer.
Korrd: I am a foolish old man
Spock: Damn you sir! You WILL try.

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