Phaneron

Bart on the Road - S7-E20

[Bart, Milhouse and Nelson have just finished watching the film "Naked Lunch."]
Nelson: I can think of at least two things wrong with that title.

Phaneron ★

Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song - S5-E19

Principal Skinner: I finally have time to do what I've always wanted: write the great American novel. Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it "Billy and the Cloneasaurus."
Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding, sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done, and then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through? [The scene jumps forward in time.] It was on the best-seller list for 18 months. Every magazine cover had it... [The scene jumps forward in time again.]...one of the most popular movies of all time, sir. What were you thinking? I mean thank you, come again.

Phaneron ★

New Kid on the Block - S4-E8

Lionel Hutz: This is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film "The Neverending Story."

Phaneron ★

Skinner's Sense of Snow - S12-E8

Nelson: Hey, look how much Skinner makes: $25,000 a year.
Bart: Let's see, he's 40 years old times 25 grand. Whoa, he's a millionaire.
Skinner: I wasn't a principal when I was one.
Nelson: Plus, in the summer, he paints houses.
Milhouse: He's a billionaire.
Skinner: If I were a billionaire, why would I be living with my mother? [All the kids laugh at him.] They're just not responding to logic anymore.

Phaneron ★

Treehouse of Horror XIX - S20-E4

Nelson: Touch me and I'll cut your friend.
The Grand Pumpkin: What do I care? That's a yellow pumpkin.
Nelson: [Gasps] You're a racist.
The Grand Pumpkin: All pumpkins are racist. The difference is I admit it.

Phaneron ★

Homie the Clown - S6-E15

[Krusty the Clown and Homer dressed up as Krusty are standing next to each other].
Legs: I'm seeing double here. Four Krustys.

Phaneron ★

Bart Gets an Elephant - S5-E17

Marge: [Referring to Bart's new pet elephant] Homer, it looks like it could gore.
Homer: Heh heh, he does look like Al Gore.

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Tree House of Horror III: The Simpson's Halloween Special III - S4-E5

Carl: Hey, I heard we're going to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes, but they're not so big.

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Hurricane Neddy - S8-E8

[A young Ned Flanders is tormenting other kids.]
Flanders: Wee, I'm Dick Tracy. Bam! Take that Pruneface. Now I'm Pruneface, take that Dick Tracy. Now I'm Prune Tracy, take that Dick Fa...
Dr. Foster: Ned, stop it at once.

Phaneron ★

Burns' Heir - S5-E18

Lionel Hutz: I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Often as a lawyer.

Phaneron ★

Tree House of Horror III: The Simpson's Halloween Special III - S4-E5

[Every character is throwing something into a bottomless pit.]
Homer: [Throws in evil Krusty doll] Goodbye dolly.
Italian Mobster: [Throws in dead body] Arrivederci, Vito.
Man: I was a fool to think anyone would want nude photos of Whoopi Goldberg. [Throws them into the pit, the pit throws them back out] What the?

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Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner - S11-E3

Luigi: Homer is out of control. He gave me a bad review. So my friend put a horse head in his bed. He ate the head and gave it a bad review. True story.
Captain McAllister: Arr, well I've had it with Homer. His bad reviews are sinking our businesses.
Akira: Then why did you put yours in the window?
Captain McAllister: Arr, it covered up the D from the health inspector.
Restaurant Owner: Well I say we ban Homer from our restaurants.
Akira: No, that would be impolite. I say we kill him.
Izzy: Now hold on a minute. Are we restaurateurs or are we murderers?
Captain McAllister: Does that answer your question? [Points to a plaque on the wall intended for Homer's head.]
Akira: We'll kill him at the Taste of Springfield Festival. Well give Homer all he can eat, 'til he can eat no more. Then he'll get his just dessert.
French Chef: [Showing a picture of an eclair] This will be Homer Simpson's last lagniappe.
Restaurant Owner: Come on, you're gonna kill him with a pastry? I've seen this man eat a bowl of change.
French Chef: This eclair is over one million calories, 25 lbs of butter per square inch, covered with chocolate so dark, light cannot escape its surface. [Everyone else drools and paws at the picture.] No, no, no. This is just a picture. But Homer Simpson will find the real thing both delicious and deadly.
Akira: Ah yes, death by chocolate. Ah ha ha ha.
French Chef: And poison. I'll stick in some poison.

Phaneron ★

Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in 'The Curse of the Flying Hellfish' - S7-E22

Abe: [Showing Bart his tattoo] I got this in the second World War II.

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Goo Goo Gai Pan - S16-E12

Chinese Consulate: Your adoption application is in perfect order, except for one thing. You forgot to fill out the name of your husband.
Selma: Husband.
Chinese Consulate: Of course. The Chinese government only allows wholesome married couples to adopt. No hen without cock. I apologize if that is a double entendre in your language. It is not in ours.
Selma: Don't worry, I'll just write my husband's name on this form. Have you ever heard of MacGyver?
Chinese Consulate: Oh yes. Big star. Big star. We know he's not married to you.

Phaneron ★

Tree House of Horror VIII - S9-E4

[Homer is shopping for a bomb shelter.]
Herman: Now this baby is called the "Withstandinator." It can take a six megaton blast. No more, no less.
Homer: Ooh.

Phaneron ★

Marge Be Not Proud - S7-E11

Gavin's mom: Gavin, don't you already have this game?
Gavin: No Mom, you idiot! I have "Bloodstorm" and "Bone Squad" and "Bloodstorm II," stupid!
Gavin's mom: Oh I'm sorry, honey. We'll take a "Bonestorm."
Gavin: We'll get two, I'm not sharing with Caitlin.
[A short time later, Bart is arrested for shoplifting.]
Gavin's mom: Tsk tsk tsk tsk. That boy's parents must have made some terrible mistakes.
Gavin: Shut up, Mom.

Phaneron ★

All Singing, All Dancing - S9-E11

Marge: We got the popcorn. Did you get "Waiting to Exhale?"
Homer: Well, they put us on the "Waiting to Exhale" waiting list, but they said "Don't hold your breath."

Phaneron ★

The Cartridge Family - S9-E5

TV Announcer: The Continental Soccer Association is coming to Springfield. It's all here: fast kicking, low scoring. And ties? You bet.
Bart: Hey Dad, how come you've never taken us to see a soccer game?
Homer: I don't know.
TV Announcer: You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Arriaga, Arriaga II, Barriaga, Aruglia, and Pizzozza.
Homer: Oh, I've never heard of those people.
TV Announcer: And they'll all be signing autographs.
Homer: Woohoo!
TV Announcer: This match will determine once and for all which nation is the greatest on Earth. Mexico or Portugal.

Phaneron ★

Mr. Plow - S4-E9

Homer: When two best friends work together, not even God himself can stop them.
God: Oh, no? [God proceeds to melt all the snow in Springfield, effectively destroying Homer and Barney's snow plow businesses].

Phaneron ★

The Computer Wore Menace Shoes - S12-E6

Agnes: Seymour, are you looking at naked ladies?
Principal Skinner: No, mother.
Agnes: You sissy.

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