Phaneron

The Computer Wore Menace Shoes - S12-E6

Agnes: Seymour, are you looking at naked ladies?
Principal Skinner: No, mother.
Agnes: You sissy.

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Tennis the Menace - S12-E12

Kent Brockman: That's game, set and match to us. But the real winners here are Marge's hors d'oeuvres.
Homer: Wow, how do you come up with such witty remarks?
Kent Brockman: Ha ha, well...
[Two men are suddenly shown in a news van giving Kent typed responses through an earpiece.]
Tech Guy #1: [to his coworker, who is typing out a response] Come on, come on. Hurry up. [The coworker hands him the response] "I guess you could say it's my racket."
Kent Brockman: I guess you could say I'm Iraqi.
Homer: [Gasps] Get off my property.

Phaneron ★

The Trouble With Trillions - S9-E20

IRS Agent: Mr. Simpson, this government computer can process over nine tax returns per day. Did you really think you could fool it?

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The Frying Game - S13-E21

Lenny: If you ask me, Muhammad Ali in his prime was much better than anti-lock brakes.
Carl: Yeah, but what about Johnny Mathis vs. Diet Pepsi?
Moe: Oh, I cannot listen to this again.

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Das Bus - S9-E14

Homer: Welcome to the Internet, my friend. How can I help you?
Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud Internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T-1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?
[The two look at each other awkwardly for a few seconds.]
Homer: Can I have some money now?

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The Canine Mutiny - S8-E20

Groundskeeper Willie: Yeah, I bought your mutt, and I 'ate him. I 'ate his little face. I 'ate his guts. And I 'ate the way he's always barking, so I gave him to the church.
Bart: Oh, I see. You hate him, so you gave him to the church.
Groundskeeper Willie: Aye, I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug.

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The Cartridge Family - S9-E5

Homer: I'd like to buy your deadliest gun, please.
Raphael: Aisle 6, next to the sympathy cards.

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Lisa's Sax - S9-E3

Homer: Name one successful person who ever lived without air conditioning.
Marge: Balzac.
Homer: No need for potty mouth just because you can't think of one.

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Lard of the Dance - S10-E1

[Two bandits have stolen the grease Homer is collecting to sell]
Homer: Hey, hey, you're taking our grease!
Grease Bandit #1: It's our grease now. [Takes away Homer's shovel and hits him over the head with it.]
Homer: Daaah!
Grease Bandit #2: We run the grease racket in this town.
Homer: Hey, that's my shovel.
Grease Bandit #1: We also run the shovel racket.

Phaneron ★

Lisa's Date with Density - S8-E7

Mr. Largo: Miss Simpson, do you find something funny about the word "tromboner?"

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Lisa the Vegetarian - S7-E5

Homer: Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I'll only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausage in that syrup Homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not talking to me, and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uh, Dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room!
Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad?
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you, you barbecue-wrecking know-nothing know-it-all.

Phaneron ★

The Springfield Files - S8-E10

Leonard Nimoy: The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is no.

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Marge vs. the Monorail - S4-E12

Leonard Nimoy: I'd say this vessel could do at least warp five.
Mayor Quimby: And let me say, may the Force be with you.
Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?

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Simpson Tide - S9-E19

TV Announcer: Next on Exploitation Theater: "Blacula." Followed by "Blackenstein" and "The Blunchblack of Blotre Blame."
Homer: Whoo, funky.

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Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore - S15-E12

Groundskeeper Willie: Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots. Or Welshmen and Scots. Or Japanese and Scots. Or Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots, they ruined Scotland!
Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.
Groundskeeper Willie: You just made an enemy for life.

Phaneron ★

Treehouse of Horror XIII - S14-E1

Zombie Billy the Kid: Now I'd like you to meet the Hole in the Ground gang: Frank and Jesse James. The Sundance Kid.
Comic Book Guy: What happened to Butch Cassidy?
Zombie Sundance Kid: "What happened to Butch Cassidy?" We're not joined at the hip, you know.
Zombie Billy the Kid: And the most evil German of all time: Kaiser Wilhelm.
[Everyone is confused]
Zombie Frank James: He ain't a cowboy!
Zombie Kaiser Wilhelm: Sure I am. Yippee. Whippee. Whippee.
Zombie Frank James: Okay, he's in.

Phaneron ★

My Big Fat Geek Wedding - S15-E17

Skinner: I'm starting to get cold feet. Please don't tell anyone.
Homer: Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me. Marge, guess what? Skinner wants to bail on his wedding.
Skinner: Homer, you're still talking to me.
Homer: Oh man is this awkward.

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Treehouse of Horror XIII - S14-E1

Zombie Billy the Kid: [to Homer] Play us some piani. [Homer begins playing "Fur Elise" and Billy the Kid fires his guns in response] That's piano, I said piani! [Homer begins playing some honky tonk].

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The Wettest Stories Ever Told - S17-E18

Flanders: We Puritans have no place for drunkenness, or colorful clothes, or dreaming or poetry. So if you write a sonnet, keep it under your bonnet. Oh no! That was a poem. [Flogs himself].

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Springfield Connection - S6-E23

[Hans Moleman is about to be executed and Homer has eaten his last meal.]
Reverend Lovejoy: Alright Hans, time to go.
Hans Moleman: But he ate my last meal.
Reverend Lovejoy: If that's the worst thing that happens to you today, consider yourself lucky.
Hans Moleman: Are you really allowed to execute people in a local jail?
Reverend Lovejoy: From this point on, no talking.

Phaneron ★