Best comedy movie quotes of 2018

Suzette: Does she have a cow?
Cap'n Hogie: Got caught in the crossfire. Cow-lateral damage. (00:18:50)

Quantom X ★

Lily: Smile, open up, cross your legs, spread your pussy, speak softer, scream louder, be quiet, be confident, be interesting, don't be so difficult, be strong, don't fight back, be an angel, be a whore, be a princess, be anything you want to be, even the president of the United States of America. Just kidding. Fuck you.

Daphne Blake: Velma, the tube just ate her! The tube ate Mikayla!
Velma Dinkley: Okay, I'm...pretty sure it's just a secret elevator or something.
Daphne Blake: Okay, right, right. (00:53:25)

Sammo ★

Zoe: These? So good. Try one.
Violet: No thanks.
Zoe: Oh come on, I know you want some.
Pauletta: Excuse me, you're using your outside voice.
Zoe: Excuse me, but we are outside.

Frank: What kind of dog likes hip-hop?

Frank: So the dude ain't real?
Tanya: No, the dude ain't real. He could be anybody.

Maya: The truth is a lie.

Oliver Hardy: You're not leaving, are you, Stan? The show must go on.

Zoe: How long have you known me?
Claire: Like a hundred years.
Zoe: And have I once said that "I want to have a baaaaby", or "a husbaaand"?
Claire: No but... to be fair, I am, like, drunk half the time.

Sammo ★

Bough: Sir! Wonderful to see you!
Johnny English: Yes, all right, Bough. We're going on a mission, not a honeymoon.