Sam: OK, so... so... sometimes I lie. I mean, I'm weird, man. About random stuff too, I don't even know why I do it. It's like... it's like a tick, I mean sometimes I hear myself say something and think, Wow, that wasn't even remotely true.
John Crichton: A monumental black hole. A swirling headstone marking the spot where we used to live and play and slaughter the innocent.
Chuck Horner: Is your dad a squid?
Joey: No, sir. My mom.
Togusa: How great is the sum of thy thoughts? If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand.
Bateau: Psalms 139, Old Testament. The way you spout these spontaneous exotic references, I'd say your own external memory's pretty twisted.
Nell Gwynn: Charlie boy, where's his toy? Oh, your Majesty, let me see the crown.
Bobby Morrow: You were married?
Clare: Years ago. He was a sadistic drug addict, and I was, well, a masochistic aspiring drug addict. It made sense at the time.
Joe: When we say we're in love, what does it mean? Could it be that this complex, dazzling, transformative feeling is just an illusion? Could it be just a trick? A trick played on us by nature just to make us fuck? We imagine that love is meaningful. But, could it in fact be... meaningless?
The Dragon: Ask me two questions, wizard, and I will give you the answers.
Ged: Isn't it usually three?
The Dragon: Yes, but with that you're back to two.
Ernesto Guevara de la Serna: Are you talking to the motorcycle again?
Dudley Moore: Is my entire contribution to this show going to consist of my humiliating myself?
Peter Cook: No, Dudley. We'll do that for you.
Dudley Moore: Thank you. I wouldn't want to be appreciated or anything.
Peter Cook: Well, we initially tried looking up to you, Dudley... but when we did, we invariably found ourselves looking down.
Albert Markovski: Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.
Piper: Ever see a 50-foot shark?
Thomas Mackelway: I'm sorry?
Piper: A 50-foot shark. You ever seen one?
Thomas Mackelway: No.
Piper: Doesn't mean there aren't any.
Penny Travis: Is there such a thing as the human heart, now there's the better question.
Tim Travis: Well, if you listen closely, you can hear 'em breaking.
Matt: The Antarctic 13,800.000 km2 square Km's of ICE. A continent of ICE. A place where no man had ever been until its 20th century.
Jack Lauderdale: So Ray, we got to talk about your name, man. Robinson. I mean, Sugar Ray got to Robinson franchise all sewed up. So I'm thinking we go with your middle name: Charles. As in "Ray Charles."
Ray Charles: I don't care what you call me, man, just as long as my name is on the record.
Walt Wagner: Maybe you should go back to your shrink... Discuss it.
Hobie: He just recommended Prozac. I think he has stock in the company, honestly.
Aidan McRory: Forgive me. Forgive me.
Mark Wiener: People always end up the way they started out. No one ever changes. They think they do, but they don't. If you're the depressed type now, that's the way you'll always be. If you're the mindless, happy type, that's the way you'll be when you grow up. You might lose some weight, your face might clear up, get a body tan, a breast enlargement, a sex change - makes no difference. Essentially... from in front, or from behind... whether you're thirteen or fifty, you'll always be the same.