Kathryn: So I assume you've come here to make arrangements, but unfortunately, I don't fuck losers.
Donna: Where are we?
Joe: It's a little inlet, on the back side of Coashov Island.
Donna: Is that like up Shit Creek without a paddle?
Joe: Yeah, pretty much.
Leigh Ann Watson: It's completely factual, she was burned at the stake.
Mrs. Tingle: Always the victim, aren't we, Ms. Watson?
Leigh Ann Watson: Well there are certain similarities between society today and seventeenth century Salem. I guess that would be the irony of it all.
Mrs. Tingle: Irony is the opposite of what is or might be expected. For example, if Ms. Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual result to be rather ironic.
Rachel Lang: Please. Don't leave me. I don't have anyone. Please, God... let me die.
Ghost Dog: Even if one's head were to be suddenly cut off, he should be able to do one more action with certainty. With martial valor, if one becomes like a revengeful ghost and shows great determination, though his head is cut off, he should not die.
Oliver Lang: I'm a messenger Michael, I'm a messenger! There's millions of us, waiting to take up arms, ready to spread the word... millions of us.
Michael Faraday: No! The government's not who you're killing.
Oliver Lang: Yes. Yes... they'll pay. They'll pay for their sins. Their lies.
Michael Faraday: You're killing children! Children die.
Oliver Lang: Children... I know that. This is war, Michael. In a war, children die.
Gary: I'm sure every man and his dog has tried a line on you, but has anyone ever told you you have very sad eyes?
Joanna: Well, yes, they have, Gary. Has anyone ever told you you need a shower?
Theo Calder: I'm Dr. Calder. You've been charged with one count of murder and found incompetent to stand trial.
Pete: She had a demon in her for a while. My neighbour, Mrs. Karsh.
Theo Calder: Mm-hmm.
Pete: It would come and go. Nobody saw it... except me.
Theo Calder: What did it look like, the demon?
Pete: Um... Did you ever see "Alien" with Sigourney Weaver?
Theo Calder: It looked like a giant insect?
Pete: No. It looked like Sigourney Weaver.
Heather Donahue: I'm afraid to close my eyes, I'm afraid to open them.
Detective Jojima: My father was a small-village cop in a town where nothing ever happened. He just hung around like a scarecrow, until he died. But like they say - even a scarecrow keeps away the sparrows.
Rose: It's not your fault. No one asked you to suffer. That was your idea.
Nels Gudmundsson: Accident rules every corner of the universe... except perhaps the chambers of the human heart.
The Exterminator: You don't have a mouse problem lady, you got a neighbour problem.
Bryce: I only wanted to get laid, instead I'm getting fucked.
Ronna: I need a favor.
Todd: Wow, I didn't know we were such good friends, Ronna! Because if we were, you would know I give head before I give favors and I didn't even give my best friends head, so the chances of your getting a favor is pretty fucking slim.
Cardinal: We're not afraid to die for our cause.
Jericho Cane: Good, because I'm not afraid to kill you.