Shen Yuelin: Why can we not conduct our affairs in daylight? Why can we not trust the people to witness them? Why can we not allow their voices to be heard rather than crushing them into muteness? I am willing to pay the price if I am wrong. Are you willing to pay the price if I am right?
Richard Dees: Never believe what you publish, and never publish what you believe.
Howard Stern: Lesbians equals ratings.
Justin: Good thing you don't need a license to drive a Zord.
Bobby Brahms: So, is he attractive?
Arthur Pape: I'm not supposed to notice these things, but I believe the word is "hot."
Romy: The reunion is less than two weeks away. I just can't believe that you turned down a job.
Michele: Well, I thought the whole point of going to the reunion was to impress people. I mean, how am I gonna impress anybody by selling ban-lon smocks at Bargain Mart?
John Brown: We were due in at 1.15. You're late.
Chris 'Q' Todd: One word: forget it.
Ben Hood: Well, that's the whole point of the holidays, Paul. So you and your sister can mope around the house, and your mother and I can wait on your hand and foot, while the two of you occasionally grunt for more food from behind the hair in your faces. Believe it or not, we actually enjoy it.
Andy McDermott: Great. Come to Paris and check out les drains.
Monica: Something happened to the world and nobody understood it. It was confusing and people started jumping to conclusions. There are no more absolutes. Time space good evil the things we know the things we believe in the things we see we thought we understood these things but maybe we don't maybe they're all relative.
Zander: One day someone like me is gonna kill you and your whole fucking race.
Leah: We have been friends since like sperm.
Frank Hall, IRS: Whoa, look, sir. Hey, I know I may be a little new at this but I don't think we shoot people for cheating on their taxes.
Insp. Derek Lester: Oh. You're right. You are new at this.
Maggie: I don't want him back, I just want him vaporized, extinguished! When I'm done with him, he'll be just a twitching little stain on the floor.
Curtis Freley: Everyone who plays the game understands the rules.
Kate: Every time she smiles, remember that I love you more.
Peagreen Clock: Squished, or might get squished. Not much of a choice then, is there?
Ernie: I think we better pull over, 'cause we need some gas soon.
Tommy Spinelli: Keep fucking driving.
Fern: Didn't I tell you to watch your fucking language?