Steve: Who says we want what we think we want? We want what we think we are supposed to want? Like what the books tell us to want. And the movies. That's what I wanted. Happy. Happy, happy, happy. Shit like that, ok? We didn't get that. That's the end of that. Ok? It's not... the end of us. It's the end of a dream, that's all. You wake up in the morning, the dream's over, so what? We're still here.
Joe Ross: You could call me Joe.
Susan Ricci: Yeah, long as I didn't take that as inducement to, you know, further intimacy.
Howard Stern: Lesbians equals ratings.
Eddie Haskell Jr.: You looked as though you just walked out the runway.
June Cleaver: Eddie?
Eddie Haskell Jr.: Yes Mrs. Cleaver?
June Cleaver: Cut the crap.
Boris Pochenko: Do I not intimidate you at all?
Joy Miller: Is one of your sideburns longer than the other?
Conrad 'Connie' Brean: You can't tell anyone about this.
Tracy Lime: It is like a union thing?
Rutland Coach: Hey, are you blind? They're doin' something illegal out there.
Referee: Coach, nowhere in the rule book does it say anything about jumpin' too high. Now sit down.
James: I must say, for a young country you've turned out almost as many pooftahs in 2 centuries as we have in 20.
Lizzie: I know karate.
Harry Block: Does the president think of fucking every woman he meets? Oh sorry, bad example.
Lilly: Oh, well at least I was faithful.
Dan: Yeah, you were faithful like a Kennedy was faithful.
Anton: I like a man who fights for what he wants. But if you ever mess with me again, I'll rip out your eyes and rape your skull. Excuse my French.
Andy McDermott: Great. Come to Paris and check out les drains.
Frank Hall, IRS: Whoa, look, sir. Hey, I know I may be a little new at this but I don't think we shoot people for cheating on their taxes.
Insp. Derek Lester: Oh. You're right. You are new at this.
Kevin Langley: I can't sleep. I can'e stop thinking about naked women. What about you?
Mr. Bean: Whistler's Mother.
Kevin Langley: Well, whatever turns you on.
Blake Allen: I think words are not serving me well at all.