Martin Barnfield: We're cooking here. This is a stew, a gumbo, a jambalaya, if you will. We're just jamming.
Willa Weston: What are you doing?
Vince McCain: I'm freezing him.
Willa Weston: Why?
Vince McCain: He's gotta be cryogenically frozen until they find a cure.
Willa Weston: Yeah, a cure? Vince, he has a bullet in the brain.
Vince McCain: Well, get more ice.
Willa Weston: Vince, there is no cure for a bullet in the brain. It is very fatal.
Referee #1: Ain't no rules says a dog can't play basketball.
Coach: This is a joke, I mean dogs don't play basketball!
Chaney: What's the matter, afraid your team might get beat by a dog?
Coaches: Put him in.
Julianne Potter: What I mean, when I say annoyingly perfect, is that there is nothing annoying about her perfection. It's vulnerable and endearing... and that is annoying as shit.
George Downes: Ahh... you like her.
Julianne Potter: If I didn't have to hate her, I'd adore her.
Woolie Mammoth: Did you know the peanut is not a nut at all? And not a pea, for that matter. It's rather odd that we call it a nut because it isn't a nut, you see. It's actually a member of the legume family. How about pea-legume? No, that doesn't make any sense, either. But whatever it is, it makes a splendid tea.
Mavis LaBreche: I need a crap and a nap and I don't need an audience!"
Gordon Szalinski: You are dead meat, mister.
Wayne Szalinski: Gordon, you're three-quarters of an inch tall, now's not the time.
Seth Warner: I am not crazy. I know the difference between bad luck and divine inspiration.
Fan 1: What about last season?
Fan 2: What about it?
Fan 1: They were rubbish. They were fucking rubbish.
Fan 2: They weren't that bad.
Fan 1: They were fucking rubbish last year. And they were fucking rubbish the year before. And I don't care if they are top of the League, they'll be fucking rubbish this year, too. And next year. And the year after that. I'm not joking.
Fan 2: I don't know why you come, Frank. Honest I don't.
Fan 1: Well, you live in hope, don't you?
Horse: No-one said anything to me about the full monty.
Ernie: He's Hitler with a tail. He's "The Omen" with whiskers. Even Nostradamus didn't see him coming.
Capt. Wallace B. Binghampton: Did we wake you up?
Willie: No sir, we've been up since the crack of noon.
Alyssa: Can men fuck each other?
Banky Edwards: Are you asking for my permission?
Chad: Never trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die.
Lorelei 'Lori': Are you going to bring me that martini, or do I have to suck it out of the glass from here?
Coach Willy Barker: All right, Squirrels! Listen up here now. Okay, Rutland may have us in height and reach... weight and power... agility, speed and talent... They have the advantage on offense... and defense... Sure they are better coached... Better trained... And their will to win is unmatched in the conference... They are undefeated in the last 108 games. But that doesn't mean we can't whip these guys, right?
Ed Lautner: Uh excuse me, do you mind if we drop you off on the freeway, we're in kind of a hurry?
Dexter 'Dex' Strang: Whatever.
Murray: One wish per customer and no wishes for more wishes. They plugged that loophole up years ago. In past years there were abuses.
Kirk: If you see them, you tell them that I love them very much and I want to see them again and that they are very nice, very attractive boys.