Alyssa: Can men fuck each other?
Banky Edwards: Are you asking for my permission?
Seth Warner: I am not crazy. I know the difference between bad luck and divine inspiration.
Horse: No-one said anything to me about the full monty.
Capt. Wallace B. Binghampton: Did we wake you up?
Willie: No sir, we've been up since the crack of noon.
Chad: Never trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die.
Lorelei 'Lori': Are you going to bring me that martini, or do I have to suck it out of the glass from here?
Agnes Stouffer: If you boys have been throwing any more firecrackers in my pool again, I'm gonna beat your butts until your nose bleeds.
Referee #1: Ain't no rules says a dog can't play basketball.
Coach: This is a joke, I mean dogs don't play basketball!
Chaney: What's the matter, afraid your team might get beat by a dog?
Coaches: Put him in.
Martin Barnfield: We're cooking here. This is a stew, a gumbo, a jambalaya, if you will. We're just jamming.
Willa Weston: What are you doing?
Vince McCain: I'm freezing him.
Willa Weston: Why?
Vince McCain: He's gotta be cryogenically frozen until they find a cure.
Willa Weston: Yeah, a cure? Vince, he has a bullet in the brain.
Vince McCain: Well, get more ice.
Willa Weston: Vince, there is no cure for a bullet in the brain. It is very fatal.
Woolie Mammoth: Did you know the peanut is not a nut at all? And not a pea, for that matter. It's rather odd that we call it a nut because it isn't a nut, you see. It's actually a member of the legume family. How about pea-legume? No, that doesn't make any sense, either. But whatever it is, it makes a splendid tea.
Fan 1: What about last season?
Fan 2: What about it?
Fan 1: They were rubbish. They were fucking rubbish.
Fan 2: They weren't that bad.
Fan 1: They were fucking rubbish last year. And they were fucking rubbish the year before. And I don't care if they are top of the League, they'll be fucking rubbish this year, too. And next year. And the year after that. I'm not joking.
Fan 2: I don't know why you come, Frank. Honest I don't.
Fan 1: Well, you live in hope, don't you?
Julianne Potter: What I mean, when I say annoyingly perfect, is that there is nothing annoying about her perfection. It's vulnerable and endearing... and that is annoying as shit.
George Downes: Ahh... you like her.
Julianne Potter: If I didn't have to hate her, I'd adore her.
Rutland Coach: Hey, are you blind? They're doin' something illegal out there.
Referee: Coach, nowhere in the rule book does it say anything about jumpin' too high. Now sit down.
Darcy O'Neal: I was born married, baby.
Bobby Brahms: So, is he attractive?
Arthur Pape: I'm not supposed to notice these things, but I believe the word is "hot."
Monica: Something happened to the world and nobody understood it. It was confusing and people started jumping to conclusions. There are no more absolutes. Time space good evil the things we know the things we believe in the things we see we thought we understood these things but maybe we don't maybe they're all relative.