Nick Beam: You don't say "sorry" when you shoot somebody. You can say "sorry" when you step on someone's toe, or accidentally break their glasses, or when you fart while they're eating. you don't SAY you'RE sorry when you shoot someone.
Ernie: He's Hitler with a tail. He's "The Omen" with whiskers. Even Nostradamus didn't see him coming.
Alyssa: Can men fuck each other?
Banky Edwards: Are you asking for my permission?
Seth Warner: I am not crazy. I know the difference between bad luck and divine inspiration.
Horse: No-one said anything to me about the full monty.
Capt. Wallace B. Binghampton: Did we wake you up?
Willie: No sir, we've been up since the crack of noon.
Chad: Never trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die.
Wallace: She told me about the letters.
Gilbert Embleton: Letters? What letters?
Wallace: The letters. She told me about them. I know all about the letters. How do you think I know? She told me. That's how I found out.
Agnes Stouffer: If you boys have been throwing any more firecrackers in my pool again, I'm gonna beat your butts until your nose bleeds.
Martin Barnfield: We're cooking here. This is a stew, a gumbo, a jambalaya, if you will. We're just jamming.
Willa Weston: What are you doing?
Vince McCain: I'm freezing him.
Willa Weston: Why?
Vince McCain: He's gotta be cryogenically frozen until they find a cure.
Willa Weston: Yeah, a cure? Vince, he has a bullet in the brain.
Vince McCain: Well, get more ice.
Willa Weston: Vince, there is no cure for a bullet in the brain. It is very fatal.
Referee #1: Ain't no rules says a dog can't play basketball.
Coach: This is a joke, I mean dogs don't play basketball!
Chaney: What's the matter, afraid your team might get beat by a dog?
Coaches: Put him in.
Julianne Potter: What I mean, when I say annoyingly perfect, is that there is nothing annoying about her perfection. It's vulnerable and endearing... and that is annoying as shit.
George Downes: Ahh... you like her.
Julianne Potter: If I didn't have to hate her, I'd adore her.
Michael Cromwell: I should probably take some pictures of Mimi.
Richard Kempster: I can never have enough pictures of my kids. I have like, four hundred albums. I never look at them, but they exist... it's good, you know?
Ernie: I think we better pull over, 'cause we need some gas soon.
Tommy Spinelli: Keep fucking driving.
Fern: Didn't I tell you to watch your fucking language?
Dale Putley: For years I've thought about killing myself. It's the only thing that kept me going.
Raif Bentley: You know, I'm not a violent man but I really do think I'm going to have to kill someone here.