Father Ted: Ah, Sister Assumpta.
Sister Assumpta: Hello Father.
Father Ted: Dougal, Dougal, do you remember Sister Assumpta?
Father Dougal: Er, no.
Father Ted: She was here last year. And then we stayed with her in the convent, back in Kildare. Do you remember it? Ah, you do. And then you were hit by the car when you went down to the shops for the paper. You must remember all that? And then you won a hundred pounds with your lottery card? Ah, you must remember it, Dougal.
[Dougal shakes his head.]
Sister Assumpta: And weren't you accidentally arrested for shoplifting? I remember we had to go down to the police station to get you. And the police station went on fire? And you had to be rescued by helicopter?
Father Ted: Do you remember? You can't remember any of that? The helicopter. When you fell out of the helicopter. Over the zoo. Do you remember the tigers?
[Dougal shakes his head some more.]
Father Ted: You don't remember? You were wearing your blue jumper.
Father Dougal: Ah, Sister Assumpta.
Mr. Bennet: For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?
Inspector Grim: It's my arse on the line and I don't want a cock-up!
Hannah: Hey, Alex. What's the matter? I told you I don't bite.
No, This Is Not Based Entirely on Julie's Life - S2-E1
[Lisa walks into Dave's office].
Lisa: Have you ever taken naked pictures of yourself?
Dave: Mom, I am going to have to call you back.
Stacey: Can you make me one of those coffees?
Bella Manning: Would that be with or without arsenic?
Stacey: Oh, I don't mind as long as it's frothy.
Caroline: I'm not going to let them get away with this. I'm going to mock them in my comic strip.
Richard: No, no, no. Caroline, please. Remember when you mocked the electric company? I'm not working by candlelight again.
Neil Avedon: What are the chances the judge will keep Dr. Lester's records sealed?
Theodore Hoffman: Zero. But I think she's wrong. And if I'm right about him, Lester's records are filled with references to your violent nature.
Chris Docknovich: Including a back-dated memo describing how you confessed to murdering Jessica.
Neil Avedon: This is my shrink we're talking about?
Theodore Hoffman: We're talking about a thoroughly corrupt bastard who's selling you down the river.
Thomas Veil: The truth is unforgiving, don't shoot the messenger.
Kate O'Brien: My mom always said that if the Protestants catch a Catholic in their church, they feed them to the Jews.
Blacksmith: Hardin, that boy cost me 50 dollars. That's 50 dollars for the boy and 50 cents for the grave. That's $50.50 you owe me.
John Wesley Hardin: Don't stand there talking nonsense to me while I'm working hard at getting drunk. Just drag your man off behind the sand hill and the big pig will eat him, and save you 50 cents.
Vivian Blackadder: Amad bin Atwa supplied money and explosives to Hasan Mohammed, who executed the attack on the Cole. They're an all-Jihad team that's been together for nine years. If Bin Atwa gives up Hasan, I want in on the kill.
Gibbs: We're not tasked with capturing Hasan Mohammed.
Vivian Blackadder: Gibbs, my brother died on the Cole.
Gibbs: I know that.
Vivian Blackadder: Then get me in on this!
Gibbs: You're not here to use NCIS as your personal instrument of revenge. You get your head around this murder case, or you pull your tailored suit out of mothballs and you march your butt right back to the J. Edgar Hoover Building.
Sub-Zero: Nothing breaks harder than ice.