Young Winnie: Hey! Hey, Fellatio! Got a match? Well, I do! Your face and my ass! Your breath made of buffalo farts.
David Labraccio: Do I know you?
Young Winnie: You don't know jack-shit! Butt-wipe! Needle-dick! Cock-bite! Jack-off! Limp-wrist! Corn-hole! Banana-breath! Shit-bird! Bird-turd! Turd-face! Kiss-ass! Brown-nose! Macho wimp! Limp dick! Fart-face! Tire merchant! What's the matter? Gonna cry? Come on, Crybaby Davie! Cry! Cry! Cry! Shit-face! Rat-turd! Ass-licking son of a bitch.
Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.
Lieutenant Laker: You know, sudden death hasn't been all bad to you.
Nicholas: This guy's lying - he's a train robber.
Caulfield: What would I want with a train?
Spencer Barnes: I've worked hard to work this hard.
Brad Little: Mr. Preston, this operation will be a failure if we all die.
Cyrano: My life's work has been to prompt others and be forgotten. Remember that night when Christian came to your balcony? That moment sums up my life. While I was below in the shadows, others climbed up to kiss the sweet rose.
Father Luke Brophy: She has an unGodly voice, maniacal facial expressions.
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: That doesn't prove a thing, she could be related to Joe Cocker.
Father Luke Brophy: No.
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Could it be she had PMS?
George Jetson: Jane! Get me off this crazy thing.
Greg Samson: Let me add that if I catch the kidnapper of my poor son, I'll offer him Christian forgiveness. Then I'll skin his honkers and use 'em for shammy cloths.
Rick Jarmin: What does it matter to you - you're happily married?
Marianne Graves: I'm not.
Rick: Not happy?
Marianne: Not married.
Nick Smith: I've always planned to be a failure anyway, that's why I plan to marry an extremely wealthy woman.
Pismo Boll: It's only a matter of time... get in bed with the devil... sooner or later you have to fuck.
Brian Hope: Look Charlie, some con men sell life insurance. The church sells afterlife insurance. It's brilliant! Everyone thinks you might need it, and no-one can prove you don't.
Charlie McManus: The church isn't selling anything, Brian.
Brian Hope: Oh! Well, if the church isn't selling anything how did it get to be so rich? Just remember, wherever there's a deep human need there's money to be made.
Charlie McManus: You think so?
Brian Hope: Of course, look at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Jezebel: Jake, New York is filled with creatures.
Mouseking: Today king of mice, tonight king of dolls. Tomorrow king of everything.
Aunt Betty: There. What are you studying?
Troy McGreggor: French Revolution.
Aunt Betty: Oh, that looks more like World War Two.
Cody: I'm going in there to waste some teachers - are you with me?
Bob the Turk: I warn you, do not make me do something that I would not do, unless someone made me do it because they didn't do something someone told them to do.
Gus Cardinale: Don't worry Bob, I would never do something to make someone do something to someone, because that someone didn't do something that someone wanted them to do.
Bob the Turk: I'm glad we understand each other.
Gus Cardinale: ...Me too.