Larry Wilson: "A little brown-nosing, a little ass-kissing, work our way up that corporate ladder?" WHY can't you be a lazy shit like I am?
Annie: You can't put wine in Hobo stew.
Phyllis: Why not? What goes better with Hobos than wine?
Da Mayor: Doctor, those that'll tell don't know, and those that know won't tell.
George Newman: Lesbian Nazi Hookers Abducted by UFOs and Forced Into Weight Loss Programs... All next week on Town Talk.
Dooley: Alright, let's get one thing straight: The woman is mine! Now we're both members of the animal kingdom. You know that and I know that. And we both know that this thing is really primal. So if you think you're such a badass you just try that one more time and you're gonna end up in a pet cemetary! You remember the movie Old Yeller? You remember when they shot him in the end? I didn't cry! Now come on.
Mae Thompson: How did this happen?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Let me handle this. How did this happen?
Investigator Fujitsuka Natsuo: I tell you rest on need-to-know basis
Detective Tony Costas: Need to know? I tell you what I need to know, I need to know why I shouldn't put my foot up your ass!
Investigator Fujitsuka Natsuo: Reason very simple. Most uncomfortable position for both parties. (00:42:15)
Ray Tango: Rambo? Rambo's a pussy.
Lilly: Oh, Riff, since Cindy's not feeling well, looks like you and I are gonna be partners.
Riff: No fuckin' way.
Trevor: I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer.
Arnie Fromson: You can't do this. You can't abuse yourself.
John Belushi: Look, I don't pay you to be my best friend. I don't ask you what you do after six o'clock, don't ASK ME! nobody tells ME what to DO.
Arnie Fromson: You can't tell me what to do with you either. I'm not talking about business now, John. I'm talking about your life.
King Arnulf: Now, I want you to be absolutely, totally, genuinely honest with me. Did you really, truly, honesty like it?
Erik: ...No.
King Arnulf: They didn't like it! Oh my God! I want to die.
Alexandra Page: I didn't even read the questions, I just took a number 2 pencil and filled in the bubbles as fast as I could.
Christopher Wooden: What did you put for sex?
Alexandra Page: Occasionally.
Penn: Ah, the revolution! Starting in the most unlikely of places: Trump Casino, Atlantic City.
Maxwell Smart: Because at this very moment, this warehouse is being surrounded by one hundred cops with Doberman pinschers. Would you believe it? A hundred cops with Doberman pinschers.
Nicholas Dimente: I find that hard to believe.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe ten security guards and a bloodhound?
Nicholas Dimente: I don't think so.
Maxwell Smart: How about a Boy Scout with rabies?
Mayor: Oh, crapola.
Scott Turner: Here's a muffin for Hooch. I got a muffin for Hooch. Here's a muffin for Hooch. I got a muffin for Hooch. Here's a muffin for Hooch. I brought a muffin for Hooch! Here's a muffin Hooch... I GOT A muffin FOR hooch.