Frank Riley: Say 'ah.'.
Faye Riley: No. Muriel and I say 'frohhg.'.
Frank Riley: Okay, say 'frohhh.'.
Felix: You suspect pilferage, sir? I'd be happy to strip-search him.
Mr. Richards: You people that work at night scare me.
Lester Bacon: Buddy's a good boy, but he has what you might call basic hygiene problems.
Kenneth Halliwell: I just want to go to the awards! I could! Look, "Joe Orton and guest." I'd behave. I wouldn't say a word, I promise.
Joe Orton: No.
Kenneth Halliwell: Why?
Joe Orton: Because it's for me. I wrote it.
Kenneth Halliwell: I gave you the title.
Joe Orton: Okay, so when they have awards for titles, you can go to that.
Rebecca: Jack has a baby?
Peter Mitchell: I realise such a concept tends to negate our belief in a benevolent God, but yes.
Prison Counsellor: Most men your age Hi, are getting married and raising up a family.
H.I.: Well factually, the.
Prison Counsellor: They wouldn't accept prison as a substitute. Would any of you men care to comment.
Gale: Well, sometimes your career's gotta come before family.
Evelle: Work's what's kept us happy.
Jack Jericho: Did anyone ever tell you you're too good to be true?
Randy Jensen: No only that I'm too truthful to be good.
Sam: You notice Little Joe never says "Hey Pa, I'm gonna go into town to get a piece of ass"?
Eddie Murphy: Richard said, "The next time the motherfucker call, tell him I said, "Suck my dick." I don't give a fuck. Whatever the fuck make the people laugh, say that shit. Do the people laugh when you say what you say?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Do you get paid?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Well, tell Bill I said have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Jello pudding-eating motherfucker."
Ernest P. Worrell: No. I-I can't eat on an empty stomach.
Grandfather George: You want to know why they're called Faith, Hope, Grace and Charity?
Bill Rowen: Why?
Grandfather George: Your Grandmother. She named them after the virtues I lack. That's marriage for you.
Mrs. Gruen: Mrs Yakamoto, I have your hair. I'm going to slip it under the door.
Henry Bloom: Tell me about Jennifer.
Ricky Caldwell: Eat shit.
Jimmy Garrett: A human pilot would react differently, because a human pilot would know that he's going to die.
Dutch: Here... Dunk your whiskers in this, sister.
Jeremy Capello: This blood's for you.
The Driller Killer: I can't get no... satisfaction.
Rhonda Shand: You're the only man whoever bet on a horse that started from a kneeling position.