Leonard Smalls: You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw. You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop.
Rudy: If you want to be cool, first you pull your headband into the cool position. Then you just lean back, put this hand in your pocket and then you wave this hand behind you like you just cut one and your trying to shoo away the stinch.
J.C. Wiatt: ... And your sister's name in Wiesbaden - in case of an emergency - and her prison record if any..
Helga Von Haupt: Excuse me?
J.C. Wiatt: Uh, oh, silly! I mean her address if you have it.
Gramps: Don't call me sir! I ain't no politician.
Sarah Henderson: Where's the roast?
George Henderson: I'll go get it.
Nancy Henderson: The roast is resting in a shallow unmarked grave in the backyard.
George Henderson: Oh. Well, there's plenty of other stuff.
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Are you vegetarians?
George Henderson: Sometimes. It depends on the guest.
Bobby Taylor: There's always work at the post office.
Lester Bacon: Buddy's a good boy, but he has what you might call basic hygiene problems.
Dr. Cynthia Sheldrake: There is a distinct difference between killing someone and fucking them.
Ricky Caldwell: It was something to see. Cops stopping Santas everywhere from here to the state line. But that didn't matter to Billy. He knew the roads, the shortcuts. He knew exactly where he was going, and nothing was going to stop him.
Pirate 1: Help yourself, mates. A chest full of video discs.
Pirate 2: No.
Pirate 3: What good are they?
Pirate 4: Can't record on 'em.
Pirate 2: They're not compatible with my system.
Lynda Mansell: Up your bum.
Girl #2: You wanna see a dog wanking off into a garbage pail?
Mr. Damnkids: Damn kids.
Jane Jetson: Where's your father?
Elroy Jetson: You're standing on him.
Rebecca: Jack has a baby?
Peter Mitchell: I realise such a concept tends to negate our belief in a benevolent God, but yes.
Chris Hammond: How can she stand to be so close to her own body without constantly feeling herself up?
Jack Jericho: Did anyone ever tell you you're too good to be true?
Randy Jensen: No only that I'm too truthful to be good.
Sandy Brozinsky: Look, Frank. We're not just jerking you around. Some guys are after us because one of them stole a virus that's gonna kill and destroy all the plants and all the trees all the way around. We stole it back, so now they're gonna kill us. You get it?
Frank: Jesus. The sixties sure were good to you, weren't they?
Lauren Ames: Frank, that's right. Think back to the sixties. People did things for each other.
Frank: They were wasted.