State Trooper: What the hell are you driving here?
Del: We had a small fire last night, but we caught it in the nick of time.
State Trooper: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Del: Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that. Our speedometer has melted and as a result it's very hard to see with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going.
Mrs. Biddle: This man out of absolutely nowhere, this man appeared. Heh! So charming. Not really handsome, but... riveting. Yes, that's the word. I was riveted. I was looking into his eyes, and I found myself thinking thoughts I hadn't entertained since World War II. I think I actually... blushed.
Patrick Morenski: Okay, on one end of the spectrum you've got homo, and on the other you've got hetero. Then there's me, way the fuck over here.
Buddy Revell: You know what Mitchell? You're the biggest pussy I've ever seen in my life. Didn't even try. How does that feel?
Patty Winston: He hit me daddy! And then he kicked me in my hiney.
Duncan: We're gonna bring this party up to a nice respectable level. Don't worry, we're not gonna hurt anyone. We're not even gonna touch 'em. We're just gonna make 'em cry a little, just by lookin' at 'em.
Chris Lecce: Problem?
Ronald Miller: Nerds, jocks. My side, your side. It's all bullshit. Its hard enough just trying to be yourself.
Tom Granick: It's amazing who's here.
Jane Craig: Who?
Tom Granick: Me.
Chainsaw: We just got lapped by an old lady in a walker.
Mr. Damnkids: Damn kids.
Grandfather George: You want to know why they're called Faith, Hope, Grace and Charity?
Bill Rowen: Why?
Grandfather George: Your Grandmother. She named them after the virtues I lack. That's marriage for you.
Speed: Welcome to Sneakin' In The Movies. My name is Speed and this is my homeboy Tyrone. And we are like movie critics and shit.
Tyrone: Well not really. Peep this. Each week me and my boy, you know, we go to different theaters and stuff and sneak in and check out the movie.
Speed: Then we come back and tell you all what's up. Like if you should pay money and shit.
Mrs. Gruen: Mrs Yakamoto, I have your hair. I'm going to slip it under the door.
Jimmy Garrett: A human pilot would react differently, because a human pilot would know that he's going to die.
Chris Hammond: How can she stand to be so close to her own body without constantly feeling herself up?
Jeremy Capello: This blood's for you.
Sandy Brozinsky: Look, Frank. We're not just jerking you around. Some guys are after us because one of them stole a virus that's gonna kill and destroy all the plants and all the trees all the way around. We stole it back, so now they're gonna kill us. You get it?
Frank: Jesus. The sixties sure were good to you, weren't they?
Lauren Ames: Frank, that's right. Think back to the sixties. People did things for each other.
Frank: They were wasted.
Rhonda Shand: You're the only man whoever bet on a horse that started from a kneeling position.