Chainsaw: We just got lapped by an old lady in a walker.
Patrick Morenski: Okay, on one end of the spectrum you've got homo, and on the other you've got hetero. Then there's me, way the fuck over here.
Buddy Revell: You know what Mitchell? You're the biggest pussy I've ever seen in my life. Didn't even try. How does that feel?
Patty Winston: He hit me daddy! And then he kicked me in my hiney.
Duncan: We're gonna bring this party up to a nice respectable level. Don't worry, we're not gonna hurt anyone. We're not even gonna touch 'em. We're just gonna make 'em cry a little, just by lookin' at 'em.
Chris Lecce: Problem?
Daryl Van Horne: Men are such cocksuckers aren't they? You don't have to answer that. It's true. They're scared. Their dicks get limp when confronted by a woman of obvious power and what do they do about it? Call them witches, burn them, torture them, until every woman is afraid. Afraid of herself... afraid of men... and all for what? Fear of losing their hard-on.
Ronald Miller: Nerds, jocks. My side, your side. It's all bullshit. Its hard enough just trying to be yourself.
Tom Granick: It's amazing who's here.
Jane Craig: Who?
Tom Granick: Me.
Grandfather George: You want to know why they're called Faith, Hope, Grace and Charity?
Bill Rowen: Why?
Grandfather George: Your Grandmother. She named them after the virtues I lack. That's marriage for you.
Jack Citron: You know this movie's about pop culture? In the 60s, Andy Warhol showed us how Pop could be high art. That everything is high art. That's what this is all about. For example, in your first scene you'll be gang raped by four monsters.
Frank Riley: The quickest way to end a miracle is to ask it why it is... or what it wants.
Mrs. Gruen: Mrs Yakamoto, I have your hair. I'm going to slip it under the door.
Jimmy Garrett: A human pilot would react differently, because a human pilot would know that he's going to die.
Mannequin Factory Boss: You know you could get the dummy of the week award Switcher.
Jonathan Switcher: She turned out pretty good, didn't she.
Mannequin Factory Boss: I wasn't talking about her.
Jeremy Capello: This blood's for you.
Kenneth Halliwell: I don't understand my life. I was an only child. I lost both my parents. By the time I was 20 I was going bald. I'm a homosexual. In the way of circumstances and background I had everything an artist could possibly want. It was practically a blueprint. I was programmed to be a novelist or a playwright. But I'm not and you are! Joe, you do everything better than me! You even sleep better than me.
Rhonda Shand: You're the only man whoever bet on a horse that started from a kneeling position.