Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I can't.
Fran: Can't what?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I can't inject you with window cleaner.
Fran: I don't mind. Hey, what does it do anyway?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: It causes your brain to die last.
Fran: I don't mind.
Superior Court Judge Steven R. Hardin: The law. Nothing is right or wrong! It's either the law or its not the law. Well, we got a problem here, because it's not working anymore. It turns out that right and wrong count.
Hospital Administrator: And what are you doing this morning?
Obstetrician: It's a birth.
Hospital Administrator: Ah. And what sort of thing is that?
Dr. Spenser: Well, that's where we take a new baby out of a lady's tummy.
Hospital Administrator: Wonderful what we can do nowdays.
Irina Asanova: KGB have better cars, you know.
Arkady Renko: Ah, but they don't always take you where you want to go, do they?
Detective: "Don't F-U-C-K with the L.A.P.D."
Joseph Rutter: If you're half the leader I think you are.
King Vidiot: I am half the leader you think I am!
Mrs. Weinstein: Remember this one, Mrs. Dempsey? Not last night but the night before, 24 robbers came knocking at my door, as I ran out, they ran in and this is what they said to me.
Mok: She can sing, or she can scream. But she still pissed me off.
Bruno: Tennis balls?
Cho Osaki: I have given up fighting. My sword is sealed forever. Here in America I will not follow the way of the ninja. No more.
Kane Osaki: Why not daddy?
Cho Osaki: Because the way killed your mother.
Laurie Kessler: My father's gonna kill you.
Warren Stacy: Oh, no, he's not. I know where he's at.
Laurie Kessler: That was him on the phone just now. He'll be here any second.
Warren Stacy: Oh, yeah? Then I guess I better hurry up.
Dr. Landowska: There is a rumor they are evacuating Moscow. Yeah. There are even people leaving Kansas City because of the missile fields. Now I ask you: Where does one go from Kansas City? To, uh, the Yukon? To Tahiti? We are not talking about Hiroshima anymore. Hiroshima was... was peanuts.
Dr. Russell Oakes: What's going on? Do you understand what's going on in this world?
Dr. Landowska: Yeah. Stupidity. Has a habit of getting its way.
Rosie: We're all of us prospectors up here, eh, Tyler? Scratchin' for that... that one crack in the ground. Never have to scratch again. I'll let you in on a little secret, Tyler: the gold's not in the ground. The gold's not anywhere up here. The real gold is south of 60 - sittin' in livin' rooms, stuck facin' the boob tube, bored to death. Bored to death, Tyler.