John Bourgignon: This is a special song I'm going to sing with my dick in my hand. For you, honey.
Wallace Jefferson: Whatcha lookin' at, bro?
Dr. Ted: There's only one way to cure that.
Chick Leff: What's that?
Dr. Ted: To drop him on his fucking head.
Skipper: Damian, take that tablecloth off, will you? It's all bloody. It looks terrible.
Kung Fu Leader: Can't you read the sign? No seducing in the cafeteria.
Margaret Anderson: Beaver, what's wrong? You're covered with blood.
Beaver: Yeah, I know. It's Wally's blood. See, Wally and I were fixing his bike in the driveway and Dad came home and got real mad. So he took a gun out and killed Wally. Blew his head clean off his shoulders. His face is all over the garage door. It's a real mess.
John Bourgignon: 'Scuse me, I'm looking for a guy named Skipper.
Skipper: I'm a guy named Skipper.
Chick Leff: Now what are you going to say to her?
John Bourgignon: I'm going to take your advice. I'm going to sit her down. Look her in the eyes. And lie my ass off.
Chick Leff: Always works, Johnny.
Jerome Willy Muhammed: I know the police out there... with their machine guns and helicopters. Oh, we're going to get blown away! But that's all right... because we're ready to die.
John Bourgignon: No, we're not.
John Bourgignon: I'll just shut the fuck right up.
Ed Reese: That irresponsible bastard! I'm going to kill him.
Minister: Please, Mr. Reese, this is a house of worship.
Ed Reese: Oh, for god's sake.
Rev. Sun Yi Day: That's not a killer. That's a schmuck.
Jerome Willy Muhammed: I set fire to my family.
