Donna: Haven't you ever done Assertiveness Training? Before I looked into the Doc, I did it all - EST, T.M., Scientology, iridology, Primal Scream... I don't know, I figure another five years of real hard work, and maybe I'll be a real human being.
Gregory: Go do something your own age, like demolish a phonebox!
Tyrian: If he's ready to lay a dragon in its grave, he's nothing to fear from me.
Darcy: Max, please, what is the matter with you lately? I was kidding.
Max Fielder: Look at my face. I can't go to dinner like this. Look.
Darcy: Your face looks fine.
Max Fielder: I'm not going. I'm staying up here.
Darcy: Max. Max, you promised me that you would try to relax and be close to me this weekend.
Max Fielder: You were only kidding?
Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Gladiator.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you kill last week?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: No.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you try to kill last week?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Yeah.
Dole Office Clerk: Now, listen, this is your last week of unemployment insurance. Either you kill somebody next week or we're going to have to change your status, got it?
Vicky: What does the winner get?
Mark: What does the winner want?
Vicky: Guess.
Hatch: This frigging game is ruining my life.
Linda: We're gonna get you. We're gonna get you. Not another peep. Time to go to sleep.
Bud: Amazing Grace, come sit on my face. Don't make me cry, I need your pie.
Joan Crawford: Why can't you give me the respect that I'm entitled to? Why can't you treat me like I would be treated by any stranger on the street?
Christina Crawford: Because I am not one of your fans!
Security Sergeant Montone: Nelson, we're talking about nuclear detonators here. You don't just "lose" them and then "find" them. You lose your comb and then find it, but not detonators. Now I want to know where they were found, and who found them. You get my drift?
Stygian Witch: A titan against a titan.
General Harlan Bache: Was I scared! I must have lost fifty pounds, all of it brown.
Big Mama: Oh boy, these old wings ain't what they used to be. Big Mama, you better lose a few pounds.
Dorcas: What would you buy if you were bored?
Neville: Uh... a jar of calf's foot jelly.
2nd Lieutenant: First time on U-boat?
Lt. Werner: Yeah. First time. It's gonna be exciting.
2nd Lieutenant: Do you have a will?
Lt. Werner: Excuse Me?
2nd Lieutenant: 13 boats down last moth. Sank with men and mice. Exciting, huh?
Axel Palmer: You seen Sarah?
Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger: Ain't my turn to watch after her.
Virginia Wainwright: God, you've got a lot of nerve.
Etienne Vercures: That's not all I've got. Want to see?
Jack Amsterdam: Cut the crap. I don't have all day. It's been 20 years since my last confession. I had a lot of things to do.