Station-keeper: See'd your dust all day. What you drivin'? Buffalo?
Col. John Henry Thomas: Stage arrived yet?
Station-keeper: It's overdue. I ain't askin' cause I don't care, but if your name's Thomas there's a couple of poppinjays waitin' inside ta see ya. They been here for two days now. I give 'em water the first day and they've took'n root.
Col. John Henry Thomas: Government agents?
Station-keeper: I ain't asked. They ain't said.
Cass: You were gonna ask me for money? Who the hell do you think you're dealing with, some old slut on 42nd Street? In case you didn't happen to notice it, ya big Texas longhorn bull, I'm one helluva gorgeous chick.
Field Marshal Sir Douglas Haig: Grant us victory, O Lord, before the Americans get here.
William Simon aka Billy Bright: I could have been a millionaire.
Martin 'Cockeye' Van Buren: Then, why didn't you do it, then?
William Simon aka Billy Bright: Because I listened to dumbbells like you, that's why?
Martin 'Cockeye' Van Buren: If I'm such a dumbbell, why'd you listen?
William Simon aka Billy Bright: Because I was a bigger dumbbell.
Ellen Moore: I feel wonderful Mr Carver, I had no idea having one's appendix out could be so exhilarating. I feel ten years younger.
Frederick Carver: Splendid! Splendid.
Ellen Moore: Be honest now. Do I really look like a woman of forty?
Frederick Carver: You really feel as young as that?
Ellen Moore: No, that's what I am.
Dr Neuhart: I might find myself buying your pretty little body one day for a guinea or two.
Virgil: After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her, and after half an hour I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
Queen Katherine of Aragon: She's new.
King Henry viii: The Boleyn's youngest daughter, newly returned from the French court. Do you like her, Kate? Shall I keep her here at court to cheer you?
Queen Katherine of Aragon: Whatever you command, my lord.
King Henry viii: Suppose I command you to give me a son?
Queen Katherine of Aragon: Were it to God I could, Henry.
King Henry viii: Amen, but you cannot - because our marriage is a curse in heaven and hell, madam.
Major Paul Kreuger: I understand the Russians are at the Elbe.
Gen. Von Brock: Yes.
Major Paul Kreuger: And here?
Gen. Von Brock: Worse. Utter confusion. Every day I get orders to attack with divisions that no longer exist. Hitler still thinks he's winning the war.
Major Paul Kreuger: The Army helped bring Hitler into power. Are you saying we made a mistake?
Rocky: It isn't a contest. It's a show.
Igor Sullivan: You were going about it all wrong. I believe you're supposed to put your head in the stove.
Toni Simmons: It's a second hand stove. There were no directions.
The Count: The Maldorais line must continue, and God must know where the Americans fit. Americans are brave, and that is why they seem like children. They are young, wild animals, so what can you expect?.. I expect a child.
Professor Richter: I fancy that I am the spider and you are the fly, Frankenstein.
Willie Boy: Indian's don't last in prison. They weren't born for it like the whites.
Linus Van Pelt: You look like you've been through shock treatment or something.
Charlie Brown: What's more shocking than having your faults projected on a screen?
Hercules: Ha, ha, ha. You have strucked Hercules.
Agnes: If sex were the only thing that really mattered, the whole world would be run by rabbits.
Brenda Patimkin: Look, I'm not gonna take the pills, and that's the end of it. In the first place, you don't just take the pills: you have to start taking them at a specific time.
Neil Klugman: You get a diaphragm.