Molly Brown: Sure I may be tuckered, and I may give out, but I won't give in.
Dreyfus: What about the maid?
Clouseau: The maid?
Dreyfus: Was he jealous of her too? He strangled her.
Clouseau: It is possible that his intended victim was a man and that he made a mistake.
Dreyfus: A mistake?.. in a nudist camp?
Clouseau: Nobody's perfect.
Dreyfus: Idiot nincompoop lunatic.
Landlady: ...and what things does she want? Her bird cage and her Chinese fan. But she says, never mind about sending any clothes.
Wyatt Earp: Say, you're the doctor around here. How come I always have to perform all the complicated operations?
Doc Holliday: You know I am a dentist, not a doctor. Wait until somebody shoot him in the teeth.
Gen. Stark: They're good men, we've seen to that. If their orders are attack, the only way you're going to stop them is to shoot them down.
Brigadier General Warren A. Black: We've got no alternative! This minute the Russians are watching their boards, trying to figure out what we're up to. If we can't convince them it's an accident we're trying to correct by any means, we're going to have something on our hands that nobody bargained for, and only a lunatic wants.
Dino: Now look lady, you may have heard a lot of singers but you ain't heard nothin' sung till you've heard me sung it.
Doctor Crow: I am Doctor Crow. You are surprised?
Daphne Honeybutt aka Agent Brown Cow: Yes, I am! I expected you to be a man... or a woman.
Ma Tatum: You look like you been drug through a mole hole backwards.
Capt. Jack Savage: When your number's up, why fight it, right? And if its not, why worry about it?
Captain Morton: I don't want a crew of whining sissies with table manners. I want MEN.
Doc: You've GOT men! That's your problem! If we were in combat it would be different. These men left their homes to fight, but they never got into the war! They're in limbo, Captain, trapped between heaven and hell on a floating 10-cent store.
Captain Morton: You "college" officers make me puke.
Colonel Martin "Jiggs" Casey: Yes, I know who Judas was. He was a man I worked for and admired until he disgraced the four stars on his uniform.
Valerie Hayden Miller: When you're dying from thirst, you'll drink from a mudhole.
Maxine Faulk: What the hell are you doing, Shannon?
T. Lawrence Shannon: I just cut loose one of God's creatures at the end of his rope.
Maxine Faulk: What for?
T. Lawrence Shannon: So that one of God's creatures could be free from panic, and scamper home safe and free. A little act of grace, Maxine.
Cole Younger: Listen, right now Trigger and Roden are up in Bald Knob selling guns and ammunition to the Indians.
George Kimball: What kind of pills are they?
Dr. Morrissey: You wouldn't know if I told you. Just take them. Take the pills.
The Grand Lunar: You say men cling to different tongues and beliefs. Is there no-one ruler?
Joseph Cavor: No. No, every century some despot tries, but up to now no-one's succeeded. People like Hannibal, Julius Caesar, Napoleon.
The Grand Lunar: Does this not lead to confusion?
Joseph Cavor: Yes, it does. And worse. Starvation... hostility... even war.
The Grand Lunar: Tell me of war.
Joseph Cavor: Tell you of war? Oh my goodness... Well... it usually starts with a whacking great explosion.
Sheila Farr: ...just the two of us.
Johnny North: And more than a million dollars.
Sheila Farr: It'll be dangerous.
Johnny North: Living is dangerous.
Sheila Farr: Promise me you won't kill him.
Johnny North: I'm not a killer.
Lilith Arthur: You've killed with these hands. Why?
Vincent Bruce: That's the business of a soldier.
Lilith Arthur: You must love your God a lot to kill for him and still go on loving him. I'd never ask that of a lover. I'd only ask his joy.
Madame Estrella: You dirty, filthy pig! So, I belong with the freaks, huh? I'll fix you so even the freaks won't look at you.
Draper: Mr. Echo, go to hell.