Cdr. Camparelli: But if I catch either one of you shitting in some vital area on my ship, I will have you keelhauled! And that's serious on an aircraft carrier.
Ens. Caldwell: Gee, that's the first time I ever saw a sub get knocked off.
Leon Tallis: What do you say, Cee? Does the hot weather make you behave badly? Good heavens, you're blushing.
Cecilia Tallis: Just hot in here, that's all.
Knotcher: Good morning, boys and girls, I have an announcement. One of special interest to you military personnel. Little Dougie Masters has regretfully been denied admission to the Air Force Academy. Too bad. [Laughs] He would have looked cute in his little uniform and haircut, marching around with with the other fairies. [Notices a highly irate Doug standing outside the microphone room] What's the matter, flybaby?
Maj. Amos Dundee: I have only three commands. When I signal you to come, you come. When I signal you to charge, you charge. And when I signal you to run - you follow me and run like hell.
Reverend Rosenkrantz: Any man failing to report to duty will be promptly hanged. Amen.
Water Man: Go as you wish. That which is yours will always return to you. That which you take will always be taken from you.
Livingston: There's no control in life. Wherever you go, wherever you hide, there's risk.
Ruby: This world won't stand long. God won't let it stand this way long.
Bones: I've seen lots of camel toes before, but never on a camel.
News Anchor: Now to the question that has no clear answer. How did two twenty-something young men land a three-hundred-million-dollar Pentagon contract?
Marko: We're all crazy, Natalija. We just haven't been diagnosed yet.
Didont: With luck, no one will be hurt.
Labiche: No one's ever hurt. Just dead.
Didont: Paul, uh, have you ever seen any of those paintings on that train? I haven't. You know, when it's over, I think maybe we should take a look, hmm?
Maj. Schroeder: Ah, tell me what has all this to do with that, uh, suitcase case you keep looking at?
Mallory: Well, that suitcase is full of our penicillin.
Maj. Schroeder: Oh, indeed. Perhaps I could see some it?
Mallory: Certainly, Major. Open it Miller.
Miller: You can't do that here, sir. You'll ruin the lot. You know perfectly well that any contamination will destroy it. It's got to be opened under laboratory conditions.
Heydrich: Look at the world and tell me the pleasures of sanity.
Lt. Col. Robert T. Frederick: They say you find what something is worth when you pay for it.
Elsa Korr: You're not a Nazi, Jojo. You're a ten-year-old kid who likes dressing up in a funny uniform and wants to be part of a club.
Kaiser Wilhelm II: I'm ashamed to say that before and after my first marriage I, myself, fathered at least two illegitimate children: one with an Austrian countess, another with a French prostitute who was known in court circles as Madame L'Amour. Both of them, incidentally, blackmailed me for huge sums of money, the Countess and the prostitute. I expected better of the prostitute.