Grady: Oh, hi... um... uh... who are you?
Aunt Esther: Esther, fool.
Grady: Hi, Estherfool.
Grady Wilson: Fred told me to keep you out of this garden.
Aunt Esther: Oh he did huh?
Grady Wilson: Yea, Fred said just because he planted a garden of Eden, there was no reason to let the serpent in.
Aunt Esther: Today is my lucky day.
Fred Sanford: Why? Did you look at yourself in the mirror and it didn't break?
Fred Sanford: All you got to do is enlist Esther in the Navy. And that way, you can have her face buried at sea.
Lamont Sanford: Pop, since you was 10, you smoked a cigarette 41 miles long.
Fred Sanford: That's real super king sized ain't it?
Lamont Sanford: 41 miles. That's like you smoked a cigarette from here to Disneyland.
Fred Sanford: Let's do like they did in the Bible: Moses spread his arms out and the Red Sea divided.
Lamont Sanford: So we're gonna do like Moses?
Fred Sanford: No, we're gonna do like the Red Sea and split.
Fred Sanford: Oooo... Its the Big One... You hear that Elizabeth... I'm comin' to you, I'm comin' home to Georgia.
Aunt Esther: Woodrow and I are going to have a baby.
Fred Sanford: Well somebody better call the zoo.
Lamont Sanford: This is a pea coat.
Bubba: Did you know that when you bought it?
Fred Sanford: Ain't you got some work to do, Oleo?
Julio: The name is Julio, Mr. Stanford.
Fred Sanford: It's "Sanford", Julio.
Julio: Okay, then.
Fred Sanford: Why don't you clean your yard up? Go take a bath. Go milk your goat.
Julio: I did all that this morning, man.
Fred Sanford: Well, why don't you go back to Puerto Rico?
Julio: Mr. Sanford, I told you. I come from New York City. And I can live in any 50 states that I want.
Fred Sanford: Well, how about Alaska? That's a state.
Fred Sanford: Who is it?
Aunt Esther: It's Esther.
Fred Sanford: Esther who?
Aunt Esther: You know Esther who! Open this door fool.
Fred Sanford: I can't open the door.
Aunt Esther: Why not?
Fred Sanford: You too ugly.
Fred Sanford: I told you, I don't want no dentist to be fooling around in my mouth.
Lamont Sanford: Why not?
Fred Sanford: Because they make me nervous. All them drills and chisels and screw drivers they be sticking down your mouth. They don't even care if they hurt you or not, they just yank you and thank you.
Fred Sanford: For $500 dollars, I can turn Yewell Gibbons into a meatloaf freak.
Fred Sanford: Goodbye, dear.
Aunt Esther: Oh, you called me dear.
Fred Sanford: Why shouldn't I call you deer? You look like Bambi's father.
Aunt Esther: We're not going to have this baby like you had Lamont.
Fred Sanford: You gonna to have this baby on purpose?
Lamont Sanford: Don't be ridiculous, Pop, you can't fight a traffic ticket.
Fred Sanford: I'm not being ridiclous. You are. Now look, you get a ticket by a white cop in a blue uniform in a black neighborhood, making you so mad you see red. And you ain't gonna fight it 'cause you too yellow. Now what are you? A man or a box of crayons?
Lamont Sanford: What's the matter with you, man?
Fred Sanford: Didn't you read the paper?
Lamont Sanford: No. What happened?
Fred Sanford: Well look here: Lucy stole Linus' blanket and hid it in Snoopy's dog house.
Lamont Sanford: I'm glad you told me, now I won't have to watch the 11:00 news.
Fred Sanford: Listen, Esther. In the first place, you can't enter that contest because your not eligible. See one of the things you have to be is a part of a certain race.
Woody Anderson: What race?
Fred Sanford: Human.
Bubba: Say Fred, that's one of them Superman suits ain't it?
Fred: Superfly Bubba, Superfly.
Fred Sanford: For a dummy, you make a lot of sense.
