Lamont Sanford: You know what they say, the truth will set you free.
Fred Sanford: Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months.
Officer Hopkins: When we're finished, people will be able to walk down the streets safely in Los Angeles.
Fred Sanford: Yeah they can walk in Los Angeles, but they'll still be running in Watts.
Aunt Esther: Watch it, sucka.
Lawyer: We may have to go all the way to the highest court in the land.
Fred Sanford: All the way.
Lawyer: And you're willing 100%?
Fred Sanford: All the way. See, this is America, where a right makes might, where justice is blind, where law is king, where a man should be able to persue his democratic right no matter what it costs him in time, effort and/or money.
Lawyer: Okay, I'll need about $10 to file the complaint.
Fred Sanford: I'll drop the case.
Aunt Esther: My body was blessed by Mother Nature, honey.
Fred Sanford: And as you got older, it was cursed by Father Time.
Fred Sanford: I'm 65. People say I look 55. I feel 45. I'd settle for 35 and you make me feel 25.
Officer Swanhauser: Was the suspect colored?
Fred Sanford: Yeah, white.
Lamont: You're a dirty old man.
Fred: And I'm a be one until I'm a dead old man.
Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford, you have been sinning and transgressing all your life. If the Lord wanted to strike you down, he'll find ya. Even if you were going to Las Vegas.
Grady Wilson: Don't you go in my room by mistake, cause if I pull back them covers and see you I might have a stroke and die.
Desk Lady: Address?
Fred Sanford: 9114 South Central.
Desk Lady: Oh, that's in Watts?
Fred Sanford: It sure ain't Beverly Hills.
Aunt Esther: The next time you see that creep Woodrow, you tell him his behind is grass... and I am the lawnmower.
Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down.
Fred Sanford: And this Louisville slugger will knock you out.
Lamont Sanford: Did you get the liquor Rollo?
Rollo Larson: No, I can't right now.
Lamont Sanford: Why not?
Rollo Larson: The store's still open.
Melvin: Did you listen to your father?
Fred Sanford: Every time he raised that strap, he had my complete attention.
Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker?
Fred Sanford: I'm calling you ugly, I could push your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.
Fred Sanford: No, what I mean is: where do these dentists come from?
Secretary: Well mostly from around here in California. But we do have a few from other countries: Canada, Mexico.
Fred Sanford: Africa?
Fred Sanford: Who is it?
Aunt Esther: It's Esther.
Fred Sanford: Esther who?
Aunt Esther: You know Esther who! Open this door fool.
Fred Sanford: I can't open the door.
Aunt Esther: Why not?
Fred Sanford: You too ugly.
Fred Sanford: I told you, I don't want no dentist to be fooling around in my mouth.
Lamont Sanford: Why not?
Fred Sanford: Because they make me nervous. All them drills and chisels and screw drivers they be sticking down your mouth. They don't even care if they hurt you or not, they just yank you and thank you.
Fred Sanford: For $500 dollars, I can turn Yewell Gibbons into a meatloaf freak.
