Archer (2009)

Archer: Lana. Lana. Lana? LAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAA!
Lana: WHAT?!
Archer: Danger zone.

Malory Archer: An erection?! The thought of me dead gives you an erection!?
Sterling Archer: No! Just half a one, the other half would have really missed you. I mean, not.

Bishop73

Trinette: What the shit!?
Archer: I know, I'm not normally a tattoo guy, but-
Trinette: Not yours, shitbrains! His!
Archer: Yeah, it's like we got each other's backs, right?
Trinette: You can't tattoo a frickin' baby!
Archer: That's what the tattoo guy said. Had to slip him an extra hundred bucks.
Trinette: How about I slip somebody a hundred bucks to throw acid in your face!?
Archer: Cost more than that I bet to buy acid, Trinette.

Archer: Mother! What is in his ass?!
Malory: Oh, please. Don't act like you've never seen a "marital aid" before.
Archer: Not in a dead prime minister's ass!
Malory: And you can stop repeating that! We've established where it is!

Lana: Well, go ahead and say it.
Archer: What?
Lana: That since we are going to die tomorrow, we should have sex.
Archer: Are you kidding? After seeing a tiger get murdered? Lana, I'm not in the mood! I mean, if you want to, I can watch while you masturbate, but just so you know, my heart's not going to be into it. It's going to be with that tiger's family. But, you know, go ahead and start.

Pam: What a hunk
Cheryl: Total sploosh.
Lana: Yeah, gotta give him a sploosh.
Ray: And whatever my equivalent of sploosh is. Which I guess is just sploosh. Only with semen.

Archer: I have to go. But if I find one single dog hair when I get back, I'll rub sand in your dead little eyes.
Woodhouse: Very good, sir.
Archer: I also need you to buy sand.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: I don't know if they grade it, but... Coarse.

Archer: Oh my God, you killed a hooker!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a call girl!
Archer: No, Cyril, when they’re dead, they’re just hookers!

Pam Poovey: Holy shitsnacks!

Lana Kane: Yuuuuuup!