Best TV quotes of 2009

Showmance - S1-E2

Rachel: I tried, but I don't have a gag reflex.
Emma: When you're older, that will turn out to be a gift.

Mole Hunt - S1-E1

Krenshaw: Jesus, Archer.
Archer: What?
Krenshaw: You think this is a game?
Archer: No, I think Jenga's a game.
Krenshaw: What if I had been real KGB?
Archer: I'd assume you'd be trying to suck a promotion out of some Russian guy's cock.

Jay Pritchett: God knows I couldn't love them more, but even the Kennedy's didn't get together this often.

Damon Salvatore: I DO believe in killing the messenger. Why? Because it sends a message.

Little Girl Lost - S1-E9

Beckett: [Growing weary of Castle and Sorenson trying to one-up each other.] Oh, for god's sake, why don't you both just drop your pants and get it over with?
Castle: I'm game.

Politics of Human Sexuality - S1-E11

Shirley Bennett: Being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of. You're like a unicorn.

Bobby Cobb: I'm bad at sex. There's a lot of thrashing and thumping, but nothing really gets done. I'm like a broken dishwasher.

Jon Sandys ★

Sam Reich: Is something wrong?
Ricky Van Veen: Yes, something's wrong! Chuck Paulsen has a cooler office than I do! This is bullshit!

Ted Crisp: Don't blame me for how I look, God made me this way, and then he told me where to shop for suits.

Alice: How did you get in here?
Hatter: I don't know. Ask Charlie.

The Doctor: Of course there's a way out! There always is! Apart from in Star Wars, of course.

Nathan Young: Come on Barry, you're good at this sort of stuff. Think of something.
Simon Bellamy: Who's Barry?
Nathan Young: ...You are.
Kelly Bailey: His name is Simon.
Nathan Young: Is it? I thought it was Barry. Sorry mate.

Artie Nelson: Y'know what the Talmud says? When someone's comin' to kill ya, get up early, kill 'em first.

Cleveland Live! - S2-E2

Tim the Bear: Arianna. Robert. I walked in on them. They were playing Hide The Salman Rushdie.

Rafi: You spend all your time reading books and looking at numbers and letters like they mean something.
Ruxin: They do. Do you know how to read?
Rafi: I get by, all right?
Ruxin: What do you know?
Rafi: You know, like... red means stop.
Ruxin: Great.
Rafi: Green means go.
Ruxin: Good.
Rafi: Yellow's the other one.

Care - S1-E1

James Steel: In my experience, Mr. Turner, people change their pleas for two reasons: conscience or self-preservation. Now, as conscience seems beyond you, I'm giving you one last chance to save yourself.