Jeff Winger: To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal, and I would never take it away from anyone. But I would also never stand in line for it.
Politics of Human Sexuality - S1-E11
Shirley Bennett: Being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of. You're like a unicorn.
Football, Feminism and You - S1-E6
Troy Barnes: You're saying I could be a lawyer.
Jeff Winger: I'm saying you're a football player! It's in your blood!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your soul!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your eyes?
Troy Barnes: That's gay?
Jeff Winger: That's homophobic.
Troy Barnes: That's black.
Jeff Winger: THAT'S racist!
Troy Barnes: Damn.
Jeff Winger: Hey! Troy sneezes like a girl!
Troy: How about I pound you like a boy...that didn't come out right.
Shirley Bennett: They remind me of Sam and Diane. I hated Sam and Diane.
Annie Edison: Who are Sam and Diane?
Shirley Bennett: All right, we get it. You're young.
Annie Edison: Let's get back to Britta and Jeff.
Jeff Winger: There is no Britta and Jeff!
Pierce Hawthorne: He said, fully erect.
Britta Perry: Oh my God, you've been hit!
Jeff Winger: What? Oh no! Wait, wait... It's blood. I thought it was paint but I'm just bleeding. Talk about luck!
Admiral Slaughter: When I look at you, I no longer see students. I see seamen. From the moment you came onboard, I saw seamen inside of you. More importantly you've stopped laughing at the word "seamen" which is the mark of a true seaman.
Jeff Winger: It's the ultimate blow-off class. This class is like a redhead who likes to drink and watch Die Hard. I suggest you get her number.
Debate 109 - S1-E9
Professor Whitman: Jeffrey, as debate coach, I am offering you the opportunity to spend the night drinking from the cup of life, rather than romancing your nether regions in front of the E! channel.
Football, Feminism and You - S1-E6
Abed Nadir: Will they or won't they? Sexual tension.
Jeff Winger: Abed, it makes the group uncomfortable when you talk about us like we're characters in a show you're watching.
Abed Nadir: Well, that's sort of my gimmick. But we did lean on it pretty hard last week. I can lay low for an episode.
Shirley: Isn't Abed's dad like a hardcore Muslim? They're not as forgiving as Christians. He'll cut your head off with a salami sword.
Annie Edison: Shirley! That is the most racist thing I've ever heard.
Jeff Winger: Pierce will top that in one minute.
Abed: My dad will only pay for classes that will help me run the family business. 9/11 was pretty much 9/11 for the falafel business.
Britta: Why are you dressed like an 80's rapist?
Introduction to Statistics - S1-E7
Troy: Jeff, Pierce took something and he is tripping balls! He is touching people and dancing weird. It's like Grumpy Old Men but not hilarious.
Pierce Hawthorne: Why would I sexually harass someone who turns me on?
Duncan: I'm a Professor. You can't talk to me that way!
Jeff Winger: A 6 year old girl could talk to you that way!
Duncan: Yes, because that would be adorable.
Jeff Winger: No, because you're a 5 year old girl and there's a pecking order!
Jeff Winger: I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong. So either I'm God or truth is relative. In either case, booyah!
Duncan: Interesting, it's just that the average person has a much harder time saying 'booyah' to moral relativism.
Abed: I thought you were like Bill Murray in any of his films, but you're more like Michael Douglas in any of his films.
Jeff Winger: Yeah, well you have Aspergers.
Answer: The implication is that Jeff will still be teaching at Greendale after Annie and Abed leave. As for who became vice dean? It's never shown, since it's not really important to the series.
TedStixon