Psych (2006)

Shawn Spencer: I'm Shawn Spenstar and this is by partner, Gus "TT" Showbiz.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: The extra T is for extra talent.

Carlton Lassiter: Now I need to know your process.
Shawn Spencer: Do you really want to know my process?
Carlton Lassiter: Absolutely.
Shawn Spencer: Well, it starts with a holla! and ends with a Creamsicle.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: And if there's time in between? ThunderCats. Ho-oh.

Shawn Spencer: Good morning, detectives! Collecting donations for the Policeman's Ball?
Carlton Lassiter: We don't have balls.
Shawn Spencer: I honestly have no response for that.
Carlton Lassiter: Need I remind you, Mr. Spencer, what happens when you interfere with a police investigation?
Shawn Spencer: Uhhh... The case gets solved?

Burton 'Gus' Guster: Don't you watch the news?
Shawn Spencer: I can't watch Channel 8 anymore. Lloyd Lansing wears a toupee. It's like every newscast begins with a lie.

Shawn Spencer: Gus, don't be a myopic chihuahua.

Carlton Lassiter: I need to get something off my chest.
Shawn Spencer: Is it your shirt? Please say no.

Burton 'Gus' Guster: Great. Now you've gotten me kicked out of a funeral. Just add it to the list. Kicked out of Petsmart, kicked out of Santa's Village, kicked out of the Salvation Army.
Shawn Spencer: Dishonorably discharged.

Carlton Lassiter: So you think someone planted it in his locker?
Shawn Spencer: No, I think someone put it there on purpose.
Carlton Lassiter: That's what I just said.
Shawn Spencer: But mine wasn't in the form of a question, so it came from a place of power.

Shawn Spencer: Gus, don't be a silly goose.

Shawn Spencer: Oh, you mean my pilot's license? That's out back in the Cessna. Or perhaps you're referring to my license to kill. Revoked. Trouble at the Kazakhstan border. I could give you the details but then I'd have to kill you, which I can't do because my license to kill has been revoked.

Shawn Spencer: Gus, don't be an old sponge with hair hanging off it.

Shawn Spencer: Gus, don't be a paranoid schizophrenic.

Shawn Spencer: Gus, don't be a melted chocolate chip cookie.

Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm not going out there.
Shawn Spencer: You cannot sit here in a dark car all alone. You'll be picked up for mopery.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Mopery?
Shawn Spencer: With intent to creep. Trust me, you don't want that. It'll put a big hole in your future.

Juliet O'Hara: I had no idea you were so serious about bowling.
Shawn Spencer: Quite serious, quite serious. Matter of fact, Lego wants to sponsor me this year.
Juliet O'Hara: Oh my God, that's great.
Shawn Spencer: They also want me to wear shoes made out of Legos... So I'm torn.

Shawn Spencer: Gus, don't be this crevice in my arm.

Shawn Spencer: Remember, Dad, you treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a goddess, then a person again.

Burton 'Gus' Guster: Wasn't Howie the victim at one point?
Shawn Spencer: Gus, that is so forty minutes ago. I bet you're still telling your friends to chillax.