Richard: So, no-one liked my paintings in Rome, either. But it was just as well. After Julia left me, I couldn't paint anymore.
Caroline: She broke your heart?
Richard: No, she broke my paint brush! Of course she broke my heart. I mean I was in love with her, you know. Sincere amore. The kind of love you never have to question.
Police Officer: We're looking for a Mr. Richard Karinsky.
Caroline: Why?
Richard: Because my life is like a Kafka novel.
Caroline: Richard, why is all your furniture in the hall?
Richard: We had to pee.
Caroline: Hey, Richard, how was your New Year's Eve?
Richard: Oh, sublime. Scott and Zelda and I shared a cab over to the Stork Club where we drank pink champagne out of Zelda's slipper.
Caroline: You know, a simple "I stayed in" would have sufficed.
Jimmy: I love Cats. I've seen it 13 times.
Annie: Oh, that's really sad.
Joe: What are you working on?
Richard: Not throwing you out the window.
Joe: How's it going?
Richard: Not so good.
Annie: Hey you didn't stay till the end of my New Years Eve Party.
Caroline: Sorry, I just couldn't make a three day commitment.
Richard: Excuse me. What do you people think I do on my birthday?
Caroline: I don't know. I just assumed you curled up with a handful of dirt from your homeland and waited 'til dawn.
Richard: Nope that's New Year's.
Woman: Mr. Karinski, 30 years old and you've spent the last 8 months coloring things.
Richard: Yes, my mother's very proud also.
Caroline: I've seen Annie naked.
Richard: Who hasn't?
Caroline: Richard, I can't believe we brought a baby into this world.
Richard: Well, Vicki did most of the work.
Caroline: Maybe you've heard of her? Donna Spidaro? She had that big hit back in the eighties, "On Black Top Road."
Richard: Oh, right, On Black Top Road. Yeah, of course I remember.
Caroline: You do?
Richard: No, but I was afraid you'd sing it to me.
Caroline: You know, you could try being nicer to him.
Richard: Yeah, and I could watch Tori Spelling play Medea. But life is just too short.
Caroline: Is it true that one Christmas-.
Natalie Karinsky: Is he still bringing that up? We're jewish.
Richard: My fortune cookie's empty... That's also the title of my autobiography.
Del: No way, Phil could never afford to buy her those things on what I paid him.
Charlie: Probably bought it with the money he was embezzling.
Del: What?.
Charlie: He was embezzling, skimming off the top, robbing you blind, spanking the monkey. Oh wait, that's something else.
Del: So how do you think I came off?
Woman: A little needy.
Richard: Is she gone yet?
Caroline: Yeah, Richard, she left.
Annie: Give your mommy a kiss... It hurts to talk like that.
Advertising Lady: You want a puppet? Get her a puppet.
Richard: She already has one. Me.
Caroline: And if you're really good, maybe someday you'll turn into a real boy.
Richard: I'm very open to criticism.
Kenneth: Hmm.
Richard: Oh yeah, who the hell are you to judge my work?
