Quotes from Rob Schneider movies and TV shows - page 2 of 2

T.J. Hicks: Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles?
Deuce Bigalow: Really?
T.J. Hicks: Before that you could get chicken or waffles, but they were the first to put them together! Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that.
Deuce Bigalow: You know the Dutch started the slave trade.
T.J. Hicks: Those mother fuckers.

T.J. Hicks: I'm in blackface. It's my disguise. See?
Deuce Bigalow: But you look the same.
T.J. Hicks: Are you saying black people all look the same? You are such a racist! I should have the good mind not to let you help me prove that I'm innocent.

Deuce Bigalow: We're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone.
T.J. Hicks: I don't give a damn about that. It's the "extremely gay" part that's bothering me. I mean, if I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. But a gay pimp? Like, where am I going? Vermont?

Gaspar Voorsboch: We will die together, Douche.
Deuce Bigalow: Please, you don't have to do this.
Gaspar Voorsboch: Those Manwhores ruined my life.
Deuce Bigalow: Just give me the detonater.
Gaspar Voorsboch: No, my Penis exploded.
Deuce Bigalow: O.k., that's a tough one, I'll give you that, but... having a Penis, is way over rated, trust me.

April: Ok, let's make a list of all the people that hate Jessica.
Lulu: You know what would be a shorter list? All the people that don't hate Jessica.
Jessica: You bitch.

Harry Johanson: Once we have our little baby bombs all over the U.S., they'll be a monthly satellite bill that would make HBO green with envy. A hundred million dollars a month. And if they don't pay, we send the detonation signal... and good-bye, yellow brick road.
Tommy Hendricks: Good-bye, yellow brick road? Better buy some new CD's, Harry. It's pathetic.

Tommy Hendricks: You're the king of knock offs.
Marcus Ray: I was. But you're still a fake.

Tommy Hendricks: I sign things too. In private.
Karen Lee: Oh, things like that falsified document?
Tommy Hendricks: Oh, no, no, no! Ray signs all the false documents.
Karen Lee: Oh, I agree. And I think you two have spent your time in Hong Kong getting drunk, chasing ass and getting massages in stead of taking care of company's business.
Tommy Hendricks: Look, the massage industry in Hong Kong is going through a really tough time right now. I'm just trying to help out the local college girls.

Marcus Ray: It still doesn't prove his a knock off artist.
Karen Lee: Why are you defending the gangster? Looks like he's screwing us.
Tommy Hendricks: Oh no, with Eddie it's more like date rape.

Tommy Hendricks: What? There are knock-off artists? In Hong Kong? I'm shocked.