Quotes from Martin Lawrence movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Big Momma: What do we want Mrs. Fuller?
Leah Fuller: Umm... more butt?

Leah Fuller: If you'd checked the schedule you would've seen that Carrie had a violin lesson, and Andrew had tutoring.
Malcolm: Tutoring? He's only 2 years old.

Malcolm: I'm not even wearing a clean pair of Granny panties.

Big Momma: Child, Like my Aunt Yorima used to say: Its better to be alone with yourself for the rest of your life, than to be together with bad company for a minute.

Miles Logan: Hey, this is the police. Move your busted-ass vehicle. Move, move, move, move. This is the LAPD. We'll pop one in your ass. We got guns and shit.

Miles Logan: Put your hands on the Oodles of Noodles.
Tulley: Chicken or beef?
Miles Logan: Chicken. Cool. Cool is good.
Tulley: Miles?
Miles Logan: Tulley? What are you doing?
Tulley: I'm freaking working over here.

Miles Logan: Diaz, is it? Diaz?
Detective Diaz: With a 'Z'.

Miles Logan: Yo tengo el gato los pantalones.
Carlson: You just said you have a cat in your pants.

Miles Logan: Damn. What happened? Did you eat the whole time I was in there? Wait a minute, that's all right. I can adjust, it's the love that counts. I can adjust to a plus size woman, just more cushion for the pushing.
Shawna: Janiece! Your sad-ass sack of bones is here.
Miles Logan: I apologize, you're her cousin. Can I buy you some cereal?

Bilal: Kick your bitch to the curb and let me ride with my equipment! I'm the DJ.
LaDonna: Bitch? Who you callin' a bitch? Your mama's a sorry bitch.
Bilal: Hey, my mama ain't no bitch.
LaDonna: If I'm a bitch, your mama's a bitch.
Bilal: Hey, I'll kick your ass. I'll fight a girl.
LaDonna: I know. I heard your ass was beat by a couple.

Claude Banks: Don't touch this car.
Rayford Gibson: 'Cause I piss on the motherfucker. I ain't gonna touch it, I piss on it.
Claude Banks: Why you got to say nasty shit, Ray?
Rayford Gibson: 'Cause I'm a nasty motherfucker.

Claude Banks: Oh yard boy, Mrs. Myrtle could use some attention - perhaps some fertilizer would restore its exuberance. Get yo ass to work.

Claude Banks: I hope your ass piss the bed with that weak-ass bladder of yours.
Rayford Gibson: If I do, then I'll put the sheets on you.

Claude Banks: You know what you probably just slow me down.
Rayford Gibson: How I'ma slow yo slow ass down.

Dexter Wilkins: You've been on this farm for quite a spell, haven't you?
Claude Banks: Over 40 years now, me and Ray Gibson over there.
Dexter Wilkins: 40 years... that's a long time for any crime, even murder.
Claude Banks: It's a hell of a lot longer when you're innocent.
Dexter Wilkins: Half the men in this prison swear they're innocent, Claude. Don't you think that's kind of funny?
Claude Banks: Well, you have to forgive me if I don't laugh.

Instructor: Impressive shooting, Montgomery. You realize though, that you missed the target in the middle?
Earl Montgomery: Who, the brother? Oh I wasn't shooting at him.
Instructor: Mind telling me why not?
Earl Montgomery: He don't look suspicious, to me. Look at'em. One lone brother, surrounded by four white guys with guns? The man is terrified. What you want him to do, tap dance? Don't worry brother, I got you. Don't be afraid to dial 911. I keeps it clean, when Earl Montgomery's on the scene. What the problem is?

Lawyer: So Mr. Montgomery, are you claiming there was no bumblebee present at the time of the incident?
Earl Montgomery: No, I'm not. There was a bumblebee present, man.
Lawyer: Oh, good.
Earl Montgomery: And there were birds chirpin'. There were dogs barkin'. Hell, for all I know, there was a chipmunk in the bushes, humping a turtle! You know you gotta be careful with them chipmunks. They'll hump anything!

Hank Rafferty: This has nothing to do with you! It's personal!
Earl Montgomery: Damn right it's personal. White boy back there called me 'monkey'. Drive!

Lola: Are you gona strip search me?
Earl Montgomery: No... I'm gona put on some music. You gonna strip search yourself.

Hank Rafferty: What the hell are you doing here!?
Earl Montgomery: I work here! What the hell are you doing here!?
Hank Rafferty: You little punk, I spent six months in prison because of you!
Earl Montgomery: Six months? That's all they gave you, six months!?