Quotes from John Malkovich movies and TV shows

Professor Sandiford: Now, everyone don't be so hard on Jerome. He is attempting to achieve the impossible. He is trying to sing in his own voice using someone else's vocal cords.

Douglas: Every contact we've had with the outside has brought us death!

Osborne Cox: You are the guy from the gym.
Ted Treffon: I don't represent Hardbodies.
Osborne Cox: I know very well what you represent. You represent the idiocy of today.
Ted Treffon: No, I don't represent that either.
Osborne Cox: You are part of a league of morons. Oh, yes. You see you're one of the morons I've been fighting my whole life. My whole, fucking life. But guess what. Today, I win.

Osborne Cox: Give me the CD!
Chad Feldheimer: As soon as you give us the money, dickwad!

Osborne Cox: No. No, I'm sorry, I don't know the number to, uh, my savings account because believe it or not I don't spend my entire day sitting around trying to memorize the fucking numbers to my fucking bank accounts! Moron!

Osborne Cox: If you ever carried out your proposed threat you would experience such a shitstorm of consequences my friend, your empty little head would be spinning faster than the wheels of your Schwinn bicycle back there.
Chad Feldheimer: Y-you think that's a Schwinn?

Osborne Cox: Some clown, or two clowns, have gotten a hold of my memoirs.
Katie Cox: Your what?
Osborne Cox: Stolen it, or I don't know...
Katie Cox: Your what?
Osborne Cox: My memoirs, the book I'm writing.
Katie Cox: Well why in God's name would anyone think that's worth anything?

Osborne Cox: I have a drinking problem? Fuck you, Peck, you're a Mormon. Compared to you we ALL have a drinking problem!

Billy: Have you lost your mind?
Cyrus: According to my last psyche evaluation, yes.

Cyrus: Say any of this over the radio, the next wings you see will belong to the flies buzzing around your rotting corpse.

Cyrus: My daddy's coming home on July 14. My birthday's on July 14! I'm gonna see my daddy for the first time ever on July 14! Make a move and the bunny gets it.

Cyrus: Considering the audience, I'm gonna make this very quick, very simple. This is the convoy, this is the boneyard, this is the hangar and this is our plane.
Viking: What's that?
Cyrus: That's a rock.

Vicomte de Valmont: Why do you suppose we only feel compelled to chase the ones who run away?
Marquise de Merteuil: Immaturity?

Vicomte de Valmont: I ended by falling on my knees and pledging her eternal love. And do you know that, at that time, and for several hours afterwards, I actually meant it.

Vicomte de Valmont: Be careful of the Marquise de Merteuil.
Chevalier Danceny: You must permit me to treat with skepticism anything you have to say about her.
Vicomte de Valmont: Nevertheless, I must tell you in this affair, we are both her creatures, as I believe her letters to me will prove. When you have read them, you may decide to circulate them.

Vicomte de Valmont: You see, I have no intention of breaking down her prejudices. I want her to believe in God and virtue and the sanctity of marriage, and still not be able to stop herself. I want the excitement of watching her betray everything that's is most important to her. Surely you understand that. I thought betrayal was your favorite word.
Marquise de Merteuil: No, no..."cruelty." I always think that has a nobler ring to it.

Azolan: It's all very well to be sorry now.
Vicomte de Valmont: Let it be. He had good cause. I don't believe that's something anyone has ever been able to say about me.

Vicomte de Valmont: I often wonder how you manage to invent yourself.
Marquise de Merteuil: Well, I had no choice, did I? I'm a woman. Women are obliged to be far more skillful than men. You can ruin our reputation and our life with a few well-chosen words. So, of course, I had to invent, not only myself, but ways of escape no-one has every thought of before. And I've succeeded because I've always known I was born to dominate your sex and avenge my own.

Basie: What did you say your name was boy?
Jamie: Jamie and I'm building a man-flying kite and writing a book called Contract Bridge.
Basie: Jim. A new name for a new life.

Basie: Jim, didn't I teach you anything?
Jim: Yes! You taught me that people will do anything... for a potato.